


Let's Run Away

by Aidaran



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: AU, Actually a lot of fluff, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Autism, Bajor, Bit of Fluff, Canon-Typical Violence, Cardassians, DS9, Deep space 9 - Freeform, Garashir - Freeform, Gardening, Genetic Engineering, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Interplanetary Travel, Julian's parents are awful, M/M, Medicine, Romulus - Freeform, Terok Nor, almost Non-Verbal, bashir - Freeform, but I still love to do it, literary discussions, made me happy while I wrote it, meltdowns, pre-DS9, younger bashir
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-09-24 14:36:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17102441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aidaran/pseuds/Aidaran
Summary: Some years before the events of DS9, in Romulus, a Cardassian gardener finds himself in front of a weird young man who has problems to communicate. As they know each other, the idea of running away from their families and problems becomes more and more attractive, but can they really leave everything behind?-------------While it is an ongoing series, each chapter is self-conclusive. I still don't know where it will end up taking me!------“You know, you are not fooling me. I know we could talk if you wanted. Do your parents know you are here?”Julian smiled brightly and looked him almost in the eye. He still struggled but seemed determined to master that skill.“Of course, Elim”“You are a bad liar”.“And you have a knife. I’ll get back in the morning. Always go away, they never know. Or care”. Garak wondered how many nights the human had slept in weird places, either because of the noise, or because that was his only way of rebelling.-------------“Ran from my parents. His room was quiet and he was nice. Did that 23 nights”.“Nobody noticed you went there?”“That’s why we ran”.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing, not just a fanfic, but in English, so feel free to tell me if I made something weird with the grammar. Totally not beta'ed.
> 
> It started with a dream I had, with Julian as Sarina was, and I just had to get up and see where it would take me. I poured a lot of my own experiences, both as an autistic girl, and when dealing with parents (not mine, they are cool). There's a lot of love in this so I hope you will be kind with it. 
> 
> Comments are love! I really love reading comments in other people's works, so I'd be happy if you give me some feedback.
> 
> I've been writing 12 hours straight. Maybe I should go to bed now.

It was annoying. He was hardly of use for Cardassia with a back injury, but that’s what you get when you insist on climbing to a tree while gardening. The branch had ended up looking just as he wanted it to look, thank you very much, but he had strained a muscle.

Garak sat on a chair in the infirmary of the Cardassian Embassy on Romulus. There was a screen with some sort of animated images, and he muted it with an annoyed huff and took a pad. He would not be going back to the garden that day, so he could very well read The Never Ending Sacrifice again. It was then when he noticed eyes on his back.

He turned fast, thinking how to disable whoever it was without blowing his gardener disguise, only to find it was a human boy, probably in his twenties. His hair was messy and his eyes wide. His clothes were in some sort of disarray and his expression was impossible to read. He put his best service face and asked:

“Can I help you with something?”

The boy didn’t answer. Something flashed behind those eyes, but his throat bobbed and he just stared at the pad. Garak decided not to turn his back at him, but continued to read. The boy didn’t move.

After a while, a woman came looking for him, his mother, probably. Julian, she called him.

 

 

Next day, Garak spotted the boy in the mess hall. His parents were talking but Julian didn’t listen. He had a stuffed bear that seemed to be holding it together by sheer force of will and every time his father started to get loud, he’d dig his fingers in the poor ragged animal. A doctor came to talk to them, and the boy wandered away soon after. Garak thought he would not see him again, but when he got to the garden, the boy was just sitting there. His hands were barely touching a flower, and he seemed to be in his own world.

“That’s a very delicate orchid, you don’t want to put a lot of pressure on it”.

The boy turned his head and seemed to finally register the older Cardassian. With a smile, he just sat closer to the place where Garak was crouching with a bit of a pained smirk, gardening tools at hand. He stole some glances at the young man. He seemed fascinated with any kind of life, be it plants or little bugs. From time to time he would look at him, with a weird expression in his face. Garak had immediately assessed the boy had some sort of disability, but he saw an intelligence behind those eyes that seemed puzzling.

“Are you mute?”

“No.”

Well, that answered it. He continued to work. The boy’s throat bobbed, as if searching for words, and then he spoke again.

“It is – silent. Here. You.”

Garak arched a rigged brow and the boy seemed fascinated by the movement.

“You like that?”

“Yes. Everywhere is… noisy. Bright”. He seemed to be making an effort, “I get tired”.

Garak could get behind that statement. Most places outside Cardassia tended to feel like an assault to his senses. At least the Embassy was in the warmest area of Romulus, but the crowds made him feel uneasy, and halls had too many lights and colors, music and screens, for his taste. The garden felt soothing with its peace, even if this job was just a façade he would eventually have to tear, when his mission was over.

He got up with a grunt, his back protesting the movement, and retrieved some more orchids from the germination boxes. He knew he would be exhausted by the end of the day from so much movement, but he needed to end planting them. He was already behind schedule. Julian got up and took another box, putting it next to Garak. He smiled and again seemed to try to say something but nothing came.

“You want to help?” The boy nodded. Garak thought about explaining but he was not sure how verbal the human actually was. “Look at me and do the same thing”.

Julian became focused then. He just copied every movement with incredible precision, and soon started to bring the boxes so Garak didn’t have to get up. From time to time he would caress a flower, or stare at it intently. Then he would look at his partner with inquisitive eyes.

“You want me to explain a bit about this flowers?” An excited nod. “Won’t it be too much noise for you?”

“No. You don’t…” an exasperated movement of his hand. He touched his ears with an annoyed huff. ”Don’t shout. Soft voice. Not like…”

“… your father, right?” He remembered being able to listen to the conversation between Julian’s parents and the Doctor, even with his not-that-good Cardassian hearing. He hated that about some species, just how noisy they could be. Humans and Klingon were the worst.

Garak talked about all the things he was doing in the garden, and Julian seemed to be fascinated. From time to time, he would try to ask something, only to get frustrated, but most of the time the Cardassian was able to understand and complete the question.

It was almost sunset when they finally put the tools away. With Julian's help, Garak had been able to avoid putting too much pressure in his back, so his mood was better than he expected, and that orchard was almost done. When they were leaving, the boy grabbed Garak's coat and pulled to call his attention. Most of the time that sort of gesture would have made any person find itself against a wall, with its windpipe almost crushed, but somehow Julian was special. There was something about that little gesture that just didn’t make Garak jump as all his training shouted he should.

“Tomorrow… can I... come?”

“Only if you want, dear boy”.

 

 

As days passed, Garak found that the boy’s father was one of the new designers in charge of the garden. Most of his designs were horrible, and Julian seemed to agree with Garak, so they would change things here and there. The man never noticed anyway, too absorbed in himself. He would tell everybody the sad story of how his boy was normal until he was 6, when on a family vacation he contracted a terrible disease that rendered him in such a state. In his presence, Julian would never talk, and when he covered his ears or zoned out, his father would dramatically point at just how sad his situation was and how much it weighted on their family.

With Garak, however, he was starting to get out little by little. He was fuzzy with food and sound, and lights made him feel dizzy, so they started to make a habit of going to the furthest table in the mess hall to have lunch. While his father didn’t notice most of the time, the mother would come from time to time, apparently suspicious (and rightly so, Garak would think sometimes), of that weird friendship her boy seemed to be cultivating.

“So, my dear, did you read the Enigma Tales I gave you last week?” Julian nodded enthusiastically. “What did you think about them?”

Julian took a pad and wrote fast, passing it over the table with a smug smile. In secluded places he would be more verbal, but in the open, he would become mute again. Garak didn’t push him. Almost by chance he had discovered the boy was actually an avid reader, and very good at writing. There was no point in making him suffer while they had such a great way of communicating. He was amazed nobody had realized just what kind of mind was trapped inside a brain that got its signals all mixed, and that nobody had reached it before. One of the first books Garak lend him came back with all sort of annotations, and that’s when he realized they could talk to each other. Now it was a habit for them to exchange books. Garak would talk, and Julian would reply with short words and a furious written response. Their exchanges were always intense, as if the fate of the world was being decided on that table.

“Oh, I can’t believe we are having the same discussion over and over again” Garak made a dramatic gesture that earned him a bright smile. “I already explained to you about the repetitive epic, my dear! You just don’t seem to grasp what it means to be a Cardassian”.

Julian took the pad and wrote a few more incisive lines.

“Oh, no, no no, you can’t quote word by word to tear it apart. You have to see it in context. Is all about rhythm and causality. And using that big brain of yours like a computer is cheating”. Julian smiled again and his expression grew smug. Really, had nobody realized just how much information that head was storing? Had nobody really bothered to look at how amazing his conclusions were? No wonder it was a mystery what was going on with him.

Another tap on the pad.

“What? Sherlock Holmes? My dear Julian, please, you can’t possibly compare those horrid tales to this. No, it’s not the same genre. Both deal with murder and mystery, but hardly are at the same level when it comes to structure”.

Garak felt eyes in his back and turned fast. Julian mother was approaching, so he hid the pad and Julian put over the table his teddy bear, changing his defiant expression to a bland one. There was a non-spoken agreement not to get his parents inside their little world. Garak suspected they had a lot more to do with his illness than they let out.

“Oh, having lunch with the gardener again?” Not even his name. While most of the time he was grateful not to be noticed, it still stung that the only person in Julian’s world didn’t even have a name. “Hope Jules is not bothering again, mister… mister…”

Garak smiled his most innocent and bright smile. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of lending that information.

“Oh, not at all, ma’am. We are both very quiet people so we tend to end up in the same table. Nothing to worry about.”

Julian rose, his teddy in one hand, and lightly touched Garak’s shoulder on the way out.

 

 

“Hope I’m not waking you up, Doctor. I realize it is quite a late hour in Cardassia”. Doctor Parmak almost had a heart attack. He remembered that face, and not exactly with fondness. Some nights still woke up feeling those eyes looking at him. He stuttered and failed to answer. “As you can imagine, in my line of work I don’t exactly come across a lot of doctors. I have some… data… I would really appreciate if somebody could look at. Discreetly.” Garak knew it was a big gamble. But if there was one person he was sure would be too terrified to disclose any conclusion, it was Parmak. He tried not to analyze why he was doing this at all. He could very well be putting his head on the line.

“Da-data?”

“Are you familiar with the human brain and genome?”

“A little, but I know some federation doctors that-“

“Contact them only if necessary, but I would prefer it if you work alone. I’d like to see if there was something done to a certain person, and if there’s a chance of reverting it.” He smiled and saw the doctor shiver. Good.

Parmak considered his options. He was terrified to be on the receiving end of Garak’s tender care again. But once his breath normalized, he realized that the spy would be in his debt. While he was not fond of Cardassian plots, he felt curious about the situation.

“Send it and I’ll try to analyze it”.

 

 

Garak heard someone tap the controls outside his door. He walked into the shadows, steadying his breathing to be as invisible as he could. No need to face any assailant head on, when he could get their throats sliced in a second. His hand gripped his knife harder and he prepared to leap to action. Too bad, this were his best pajamas. Blood was always hard to get out of silk. Maybe breaking necks would be a better course of action if…

The door opened and a tall, slender figure appeared. Julian. Garak sighed and hid the weapon while stepping into the light.

“You know, it is a bit late, not to say also quite rude, to be entering someone else’s quarters uninvited”.

“Couldn’t sleep”.

Julian walked as if he owned the place. Garak was surprised he was not mad at that intrusion. He looked at the boy. He was clad in pajamas too, his bear under his arm and a pad in his hand. He flopped in the coach, long arms and legs trying to find a comfortable position. He fuzzed a bit, until he decided to get his head on the pillows and his legs over the couch’s back. Then he smiled and patted the place next to him.

“Don’t stay there. Come”. Garak glanced suspiciously at him, so Julian shook the pad and smiled.

“You know, you are not fooling me. I know we could talk if you wanted”. In places as calm as this, Julian was quite verbal, even if it was still a bit of a struggle. Yet, Garak started to walk to him. “Do your parents know you are here?”

Julian smiled brightly and looked him almost in the eye. He still struggled but seemed determined to master that skill.

“Of course, Elim”

“You are a bad liar”.

“And you have a knife”. Garak didn’t comment about that. He wasn't surprised anymore when Julian showed he really saw everything everywhere. He put the knife away and walked slowly.

Julian made room for Garak when he sat, as far as he could. This situation was new, and the Cardassian couldn’t help feeling a bit nervous.

“I’ll get back in the morning. Always go away, they never know. Or care”. Garak wondered how many nights the human had slept in weird places, either because of the noise, or because that was his only way of rebelling.

Julian slid his legs down from their perch and placed his head on Garak’s lap. He curled up and seemed a bit like a content puppy. The older man absentmindedly stroked his head. His hair was a bit curly, so unlikely a Cardassian one.

“We could get in all sort of trouble if they find you here, my dear”.

“Then we run away. Anywhere”.

Garak looked at him with surprise, only to find Julian had fallen asleep. They could be in all sort of trouble, all right. But right now, he just grabbed a blanket without getting up, and covered them both, before falling sleep too.

He woke up several hours later, feeling something move. He opened his eyes slightly, trying to remember what had happened without showing he was alert, and felt Julian wrap him with the blanket and kiss him lightly in the forehead, before quietly going away.

 

 

“You have results for me?”

Parmak flinched at that face in the screen. He was even more confused now than when he received that first call. He expected the data to come from a prisoner, a soldier, something that the Obsidian Order could find interesting. Instead, everything seemed to point to a young man that had been subjected to a gruesome treatment that didn’t go well. It seemed more and more a personal matter.

He told Garak all he could find, and was surprised to see something akin pain in those eyes, even if his placid expression didn’t change.

“So, any chance of reverting it?”

“I- I don’t think so. His brain picks up more data that he can process, so I’d imagine that person has problems answering to those stimuli and have frequent breakdowns. It seems it was designed to improve his intelligence, but the treatment didn’t work in all the processing areas of his brain”. Silence confirmed he was on the right. “I read about genetic experiments on children, but they are forbidden and severely punished on the Federation, so seeking help would probably ensure whoever did it would end up in jail”. And then, a sudden impulse. He was a doctor after all, and he wanted to help whoever was living that hell. “I’ll keep looking into this and try to find a way to correct it.”

“That would be most kind of you, Doctor.”

 

 

“I’d want to study, you know. I read a lot. I know I can”.

Julian was again in Garak’s quarters. He seemed to be there most of the time. His long legs dangled at the side of the coach, and he sighed happily as Garak stroked his hair. It was an innocent enough gesture, but Garak felt there was something else between them lately, and couldn’t quite grasp it. Maybe he didn’t dare. He reminded himself sternly that this was a boy almost half his age, severely impaired and sometimes unpredictable, even if he could read him most of the time now.

“And what would you study?”

The long arms wound up. Julian was long and usually talked moving his hands, his arms, taking small stuff and placing it somewhere else. Most people seemed annoyed at his fidgeting, even when he was silent, but Garak found it really endearing. That body that just couldn’t stay quiet talked a language as important as his words. Lately he’d started to punctuate his words with actions, as if growing bolder and needing to communicate it.

“Don’t know. Medicine, maybe. Could cover my ears with something when people come, or, or, never leave my room. Study data. Cure people without talking”.

It was lovely, and it was also so very sad. He knew the boy already had more knowledge in that head of his than physicians twice his age, but he also knew he could never accomplish those dreams with things as they were. Even if he could overcome his problems, his parents would never let their pity show go away.

“What about blood? Or trashing patients? Some may scream or refuse treatment”.

Julian gave it some thought. “Blood is ok. Interesting. I can tell the species it is from just by looking at it.” He seemed to think a bit more. “Maybe I could sedate people?” And then he bolted to a sitting position, closer to Garak, noses almost touching. Not really looking him in the eyes, but he didn’t mind. Probably he was staring at a ridge, or maybe the spoon. Some days he managed to look closer, some days he didn’t. “Let’s run away. Some quiet planet. Where no one comes for us”.

“No one, or just your parents?”

“Is there any difference?”

“Not for you, I guess”. Garak kissed his nose.

With a sigh, Julian flopped again and Garak continued caressing him in silence.

 

 

Furious pounding on the door, in the middle of the night. Garak got up from the table where they were studying and asked who it was, even though he already suspected.

“What the hell are you doing with my son?”

Julian gave him a look that said ‘can’t we just pretend I’m not here?”, but Garak shook his head. Clearly he’d been followed. He gave the command to open and the boy’s mother entered, looking frankly at the room, only to find Julian sitting in front of the table, writing placidly in a pad.

“Please don’t shout, he is quite calm at the moment”. Oops, wrong take. Garak, you should know better already.

“What is he doing here? You old, dirty, spoonh-“

“I’m trying to study”. Julian got up and handed her a pad. Garak could see the first signs of his dear boy struggling, but seeing him stand up anyway made him proud. Probably he’d meltdown later, and it would take hours to get him to sleep, but for now, he was mustering as much strength as he had. Garak ached to touch him, ground him and reassure him, but knew it would make the situation even worse.

“What is this?”

“Medicine. Bolian… anatomy”. Bad sign. He was losing words. His breath came a bit shorter this time. He was not used to standing his ground, and making people angry was scary and unpredictable. Garak couldn’t take it any longer.

“He is quite capable, you know. He could be great, given he can make it to the exams”.

The woman was furious.

“He is ill”.

“I’m not! It is your fault! You made me… this!” Now he really looked about to collapse. Garak risked giving her even more reasons to think he was taking advantage of her son by taking his hand. Good thing the only sense that didn’t fail was the touch. He still felt too much, but was able to process it better. Julian squeezed hard. Probably a human would be in a bit of pain, but Cardassians were stronger, and even then, Garak knew he would not move, not even with his bones being crushed.

She was livid. She gasped and seemed about to cry, shout, run away. Garak looked at her with impatience.

“Whatever you decide to do, please try to make it quietly, dear. We already have our ears ringing as it is”.

She just turned and went out. It wouldn’t last, he knew. Probably the next one would be the father, roaring even worse. He gently took Julian to the coach and coaxed him to sit. He sighed.

“Let’s run away, my dear”.

 

 

“Keep them out. Don’t open again”. Julian was sipping tarkelean tea while snuggled under a blanket. His long legs were curled inside it. Garak hands were around his shoulders, in a protective gesture.

“You know I can’t do that, my sweet boy. We are already in enough trouble as it is”.

“I am their fault. They didn’t like the son they had. They… made a new one. It turned bad.” His hands were shaking slightly. It was the first time he talked about what had happened to him.

“I know”.

Julian just nodded. At that point, they took it as natural just how much they knew about each other.

“I was slow. Now… I am… this. I feel like a pet. They use me”. Garak could see what Julian was trying to say. They tried to get a perfect son, but since they couldn’t, at least they tried to look like martyrs. They just assumed the boy was unable to get better, and also, they knew any treatment posed a risk for them.

“Mother is… she’s just guilty. Father wants the attention. He is the worst. Take me away. Please”.

It was tempting, in a way he had never felt tempted in his life. Run away from the Obsidian Order, from his own cruel and neglectful father, start over in a place nobody knew them, be… whatever they were becoming. It was that last part that scared him and stopped him from doing something crazy. Something of his inner struggle must have been obvious because Julian caressed his cheek and looked at him, really looked him in the eye, if even for a moment and then pressed their foreheads together.

“I trust you. Know what you… what you must do here. Let’s run from all that. Together”. They had never been this close. Julian closed his eyes, still with his hand touching the ridges softly.

And then again. Pounding, more shouting. Garak carefully took the mug, so Julian could cover his ears, and braced for the noise.

“Come”.

Julian’s father bolted inside, his face red.

“No point in asking you not to scream, am I wrong?”, Garak just sighed. Any other person, he’d just resort to violence and incapacitate it, but for Julian, he repressed his instincts. This was going to be a long night indeed.

“What is Jules doing here?” Ah, at least he was so furious he was whispering. Could be worse.

“Julian”

“What?”

“You killed Jules 16 years ago. I am not him. I am Julian”. Blanket still covering his slender shoulders, he slowly got up and faced him. He was fisting the cloth to the point his knuckles were white. Garak walked until he was right behind him. At that moment, the man seemed so altered Garak prepared to jump and stop him if he got violent.

“Is that damn Cardassian telling you those things? What else had he done to you? Has he… has he…?” His throat bobbed. Garak realized what the man was trying to say and started to see red.

Julian stood his ground.

“I am telling - this. _I_ am. Tell Garak what you did to _me_!”

The man moved forward and Julian stepped back. Garak got in the middle of them, protecting him with his body as much as preparing to strike. The father gulped and moved backward, noticing for the first time he was in extreme danger.

“Tell him! You killed me”

“You were ill”

“Lies!”

“You are still ill”

“I am not! Get out! I’m your fault”. Julian covered his ears, his breath hard. His legs were weak and he felt his skin itch. He wanted to tear his skin out with his nails. He was dizzy but didn’t want to show it, so he tossed himself to the coach.

“Just look at how you are! This is not right!”

Garak stood between them again and put up his sweetest smile, but his eyes were still dangerous.

“If I may say so, your son was perfectly calm until you came here storming out and making noise. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we were doing a very interesting study on Bolian anatomy and its difference with the Andorian one. You know, the kind of study you submit to medical school?”.

“He can’t be alone. He needs care, not study. He… he can’t study”. The man’s face was red and his teeth gritted.

“I’m not alone. He is here. He… cares.” Garak sighed. _Julian dear, you just nailed my coffin. You must know how this looks like already._

The father tried to get to Julian again, only to be stopped by Garak.

“I won’t let you come close to him until you are calm. Don’t try to touch him, else you want to lose that hand”.

“And what about you touching him? I’m taking him to a doctor. I want to see what you have done”.

Julian then got up.

“Take me, and I’ll tell them what you did. I’ll… they’ll test. They will know” Julian gave another step and his father finally recoiled. “Be… get out”.

Once the door closed, Julian collapsed on the floor, ears ringing, skin red, wanting nothing more than shout until falling asleep. When he finally came to his senses, he felt cooler than human hands around him, and allowed them to take him to the coach while he slipped into sleep.

 

 

Next morning, when Julian’s parents came back, this time with security personnel, they found the quarters empty.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak and Julian had run away, but trouble seems to follow them.

Julian had always liked the sound of a ship’s engines. It was steady, regular, a low rumble that didn’t pierce into his ears. And for the first time he was able to enjoy it without his father talking or snoring, or his mother getting over him all the time. Elim was silent as a cat when he moved around, and didn’t snore or toss when he was sleeping. It was a nice change. Also, he smelled nice.

He laid in a small bed, in a small room, in a small freighter ship. It was a far cry from a luxury cruise, but Julian didn’t mind. He was happy, and for the first time in his life, he neither felt nor wanted to be alone. He was allowed to dress as he wanted, do as he wanted, even sit as he wanted. Elim never said anything when he stretched his legs on the wall while laying on his bed, or crossed them so they didn’t touch the floor while he was eating. He was even free not to comb his hair! Julian had all sort of feelings he couldn’t quite catalog in his messy mind every time he saw or even thought of the Cardassian, but he was ok with that.

He idly wondered how long his partner would be gone. Some days getting food was fast, while others he had to wait in line, and that unpredictability annoyed Julian. He counted the seconds every time, but still had not been able to extrapolate the ideal hour for Elim to go.

_717 seconds. Yesterday’s dinner took 416. But yesterday’s yesterday, 829. And the yesterday of that yesterday – is there a word for that many yesterdays? I may have to ask Elim. 733 seconds now…_

His train of thought was interrupted by the sound of the door. He got up with a smile and took the tray, putting the dishes in the table.

“Sorry for the delay. A Caitian insisted on checking if the meat in his dish was real.” Elim rolled his eyes and put two glasses on the table before sitting.

“Missed you”. Julian sat at his side.

“Already? I was away only a few minutes, dear”. He gently caressed Julian’s cheek.

“758 federation seconds. 349 kardassi ti’kks”. His face was smug. He kissed Garak with his smile still wide.

“Now you are bragging”, Garak said once they parted, before giving him another quick kiss and then focusing in serving the food.

They ate in a comfortable silence. They had already discussed literature earlier and Julian was trying to focus on tasting new foods without feeling grossed out, so their meals were silent. As of now, he was sure most orange foods were ok, but yellow were not. He had just to figure out when yellow turned into orange now.

Once they finished eating, Julian talked again.

“Want to see around tonight”.

“There’s not much to see, but in about an hour I reckon most passengers will be asleep so it will be quiet. We could go the- please, don’t start counting the minutes aloud”.

Julian smiled smugly. “Make me”.

 

“One hour and one minute!”

“Well, I’m not going out with my hair like this, Julian. It is your fault if now we are late. Just look at the mess you did!”

Julian’s head popped inside the bathroom.

“Looks nice!”

“No, it does not look nice. No well-mannered Cardassian would dare go out with his head looking like this. And put some shoes on”.

“I don’t want. My feet like to… feel”.

“Trust me, dear, your feet _don’t_ want to feel this freighter’s floor. It’s _vile_ ”.

Julian’s head disappeared from his sight, and when he came out of the bathroom, with his hair still a bit tangled, the human was wearing some slippers, and trying to move his fingers inside them.

“One hour, 2 minutes, 47 seconds!” Julian rubbed their noses together.

“You, my dear, are a bit of a tyrant, you know that, right?”

Julian hummed happily and took his arm.

 

There were still people out, but they were mostly silent. Anyway, most people traveling in that sort of vessel tended to keep it to themselves, and a Cardassian clearly would not be the first choice for someone looking for trouble.

They were walking hand in hand. Garak already knew most of the ship, but Julian was enjoying himself immensely. It was the first time since they had boarded 6 days ago that he was out of his room and was feeling really free. Before Garak, he had always found it easier to sneak out of the room in hotels or embassies than in ships, so he always ended up feeling like a caged animal, with his mother’s eyes glued to the back of his head.

He gently tugged at Garak and pointed to a window.

“When I was little, I wanted… wanted to see the stars”. He sighed and searched for the words. “And then they took me to them”.

Garak pressed his chest to Julian’s back and held him close. He could very well try to deflect or distract him, insist that everything would be ok in the future, assure him he was perfect the way he was, but neither of them would believe it. They knew their future was uncertain, and even if he loved the boy just the way he was, it was still unfair that his future had been taken away and would never come back. Nothing he could do or say would fix the damage Julian’s parents had done. So they stood in silence for some minutes.

Garak sensed it before seeing it. He let go of Julian and spun fast, catching a fist in midair.

“Fucking cardie!” One big human was trying to get his fist out of Garak’s grip, getting redder and redder because of the effort. Julian recoiled until he was touching the wall.

“Excuse me sir, I don’t believe we have been introduced, but if you don’t mind your own business and go away, I’m afraid I’ll be forced to break your hand”.

A rancid smell of alcohol hit Garak’s face as the man got closer, still trying to get his hand free. Garak smiled impishly and let go, making the man fall to the ground.

“What are you doing with the boy, you fu-fucking spoonhead”. Garak rolled his eyes. _Really?_ He could take most insults, but that one always managed to make him mad. Still, he smiled and adopted an easy posture, his hands in the air.

“Why, we were just sightseeing. Have you noticed how bright the stars are?”

“Did you kidnap that kid, you – you…”

“How comes every human that ever sees us insist on that? Am I not charming enough?” he turned his head to Julian, but kept his eyes fixed on the bully. “What do you think? Am I really that ugly to make them assume you were kidnapped? I’m starting to feel a bit offended, really”.

The drunk man charged against Garak. He ducked easily and started circling him. A small mob was gathering around. Just what they needed, spectators. The man tried again, but Garak just evaded and the man fell to the ground again.

“You fucking lizards, I fought you in the war…”

“Well, clearly you didn’t fight me, I was busy planting trees at that time. Perhaps, you could be persuaded to stop this dance if I give you some gardening advice…?” Garak was looking for a way out, but Julian was so frozen in place he feared he’d have to carry him in his arms to get away. Not the fastest way out of trouble.

The man charged again and he ducked. Garak didn’t dare touch him in front of as many people as there seemed to be now. They had quite an audience. He heard a soft _ahem_ at his back and found a security deputy looking at them intently. Just when he was about to say something, he heard another sound.

A bottle breaking somebody’s head.

He spun fast, and saw Julian almost panicked, his face white, with half a bottle in his hand, the bully unconscious at his feet, his head split open.

 

Julian was hugging his knees in a corner of the cell, sniffing softly. He had finally stopped crying, and his face was buried in his arms. Garak was trying not to murder anybody but that option seemed more and more tempting every second. He’d already answered the same questions over and over again. The deputy had tried to interrogate Julian, but the boy had reverted to non-verbal and he had finally given up.

“You saw the man! He was drunk! He threatened us!”

“I don’t know, I only saw an uncoordinated drunk being hit with a bottle on his head. The man lost a lot of blood. Also, he is a decorated war hero. This whole situation could be quite a scandal”.

“I don’t give a damn about how many trophies they awarded him for killing my people. I’m only asking you to release the boy. I assure you he won’t leave our quarters if you order him”.

“Oh, about that, what is your relationship exactly? Don’t tell me again you are father and son, please”.

_Is this punishment for all the interrogations I conducted? This cheap, ridiculous questioning? I’ve cracked men just by looking at them, and now I’m stuck answering personal questions for a dimwit idiot in a cheap flying piece of junk? How low the great can fall. Tain would laugh at me._

“Sorry, is there any use for that information? Would that change the nature of our charges?”

“ _You_ are not charged with anything, Cardassian. The boy is”.

“I tried to break that man’s hand”. _And I’m seriously considering breaking your nose, sir._

“Is that a confession?”

“Would that land me in the same cell as the boy?”

The deputy pinched between his eyes. He was tired. His head hurt. They’d been at it for over two hours. The incident had taken place 3 hours ago, just minutes before the end of his shift, and he just wanted a confession and go to bed. He hadn’t even eaten.

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Sign this and enter”.

Garak signed, a bit too enthusiastically. He was about to enter the cell when he turned and asked.

“I’m sorry, would you kindly give us a blanket?”

 

Julian had almost fallen asleep when he felt a hand in his shoulder. He trashed and recoiled to the corner of the cell, whimpering, until he realized it was Garak.

“Come here, I brought you your bear”.

He took Kukalaka in his arms and made himself a pitiful ball again, hiding his face. Garak hugged him and threw the blanket around them.

“They’ll let us go tomorrow. Sleep now”.

His shoulders started to tremble again. He tried to speak but couldn’t. Garak made a mental note to figure out their assailant’s name and destination. He really, really hoped he was headed the same place as them. He may had fought against Cardassians, but not against _this_ one. Yet.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. That man was drunk and the deputy is a jerk”.

Julian looked at him. Still most of his face was buried in his arms, but his eyes were pleading.

“My dear, if you keep making that face and looking so afflicted, I may have to kill that alcoholic”. _And if you stop I’ll kill him anyway, but you really don’t need to know._ Julian smiled weakly and relaxed a bit.

 

“Sorry. Wanted to protect you. Are you mad?” They had finally been released and Julian had slept 12 hours straight. His eyes were still red and Garak feared another bout of crying.

“Why would I be mad?”

“Trouble” Julian looked down. “They locked you”. Garak gently pulled up his chin.

“You are not trouble, and I’m not mad. But I didn’t take you away from your parents for you to be feeling like this. This is not my first time in a cell, but trust me, it has been one of the best. At least they allowed me to bring you bear inside”.

Julian laughed softly.

“They locked Kukalaka too!”

“Well, what can I say. Even your bear was our partner in crime”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided to keep this story going! I had chapter 3 laying around for days, and chapter 2 was only a note saying "I should write the f**king freighter one". I seem to have a lot of notes like that in my notebook. 
> 
> I still don't know where the story will go, but I decided to take out the epilogue and just let it flow.
> 
> Maybe in a couple days I'll finish the third chapter.
> 
> As always, comments are love!


	3. Chapter 3

“Brought you a gift”

Julian looked up from the pad he was reading. He was studying and taking exams remotely. They had agreed that he probably would never be able to attend medical school or be able to deal with patients, but that didn’t stop him from pursuing a theoretical career. They were living in a small community, on a planet on the outside border of the Federation, and as far as possible from Cardassia.

Garak smiled and gave him a little box.

“I know you wanted to go to the market with me. This will dim noises. You won’t be able to hear me, but still we can use your pad if you want”. Julian smiled brightly.

“Tomorrow?” Julian wanted to go, but needed to prepare himself.

“Whenever you want”.

 

People moving was a challenge for Julian. They fused and mixed and it was hard to tell when one ended ant the other started. They looked like one of those animals he had seen in his books, snakes. Snakes of all kind of colors and smells that seemed to be too tall and move too fast for him to follow. It was mesmerizing and scary and made his head feel like it would start spinning.

But Elim’s hand was warm, and he was making an effort to focus on all the amazing things he’d never imagined could exist.

“Look!” Garak found himself thrown from one place to the next by an almost shrieking Julian. His paranoia was hitting him hard, since he was sure Tain would not just let him go, so he just allowed himself to be taken erratically from one place to the next, all the while keeping his free hand in his phaser.

“Soooo bright! So pink! Weird color. Ugh, smell! This is awful! Ooooh, so nice!”

Garak thought about buying some of those things for Julian. They were really short of money and their fake identities were still not totally registered so he couldn’t get a good job, but he ached to buy something for his boy.

“Looks so weiiiiird” Julian was looking through a kaleidoscope, his mouth almost hanging out in amazement. Garak signaled his ears and Julian took one of his plugs out to hear him.

“Want it?”

“Can we afford it?” Julian was aware they were not really making ends meet. Garak kissed his cheek.

“Let me worry about that”.

“I’m not a child. I can… worry”.

Yes, he was not the same boy he’d met on Romulus. But still, he felt very protective and wanted to make their eloping worth it.

“Just let me give you a gift”.

Garak saw a movement behind them and, giving Julian some credits, asked him to keep looking at the toy. He followed the shadow discretely, trying to have Julian on his peripheral vision.

Once he was far enough from the crowd, he faced the shadow against a wall in an alley, crushing its throat as much as possible. Ugh. Naussican. Brutish, smelly, and pretty obvious in his intent to pursue him. At least those beasts were no match for him.

“Who sent you?”

The ugly face just smiled, and Garak ducked just in time to avoid being grabbed by another three that appeared from behind. He set his phaser to kill and took one down, but a kick to his hand quickly sent his weapon away. He didn’t want the incident to become bloody, because the last thing he needed was problems with local authorities.

He ducked as another kick was directed to him, but a fist connected to his face, making his nose bloody and breaking his lip. So much for his attempt at avoiding blood. He grabbed the head of another one and snapped his neck. Then a kick to his leg almost made him shout. He didn’t stop to assess his damage, instead pulling the leg nearest to him with his right hand, and grabbing his assailant’s knife in the process with the left one. With a swift movement, he buried the weapon in the other Naussican’s chest.

Panting, he cleaned with his sleeve the blood from his face, and looked at the only one left alive.

“Is there any chance I could let you live and give you a proof that you completed your mission, so you’d leave me alone?”

“I need to take your ears as proof”. The smile was repulsive, full of rotten teeth.

“I’m sorry, but I’m quite fond of them, I’m afraid”.

With a sigh, he run to the larger alien, kicked his chest and buried the knife with all his strength. The Naussican fell with a weird strangled sound.

Garak finally stopped and assessed his damage. His face would be swollen in a few minutes, his lip and nose were bloody, and he doubted he’d be able to hide his limping from Julian. He’d promised himself he’d try to leave his old life behind, but it seemed his old life would follow him wherever he was. He felt really sorry to have to move to another place, just when they were finding a rhythm in that planet.

He turned to get back to the market, only to find Julian staring at the carnage.

“I’m sorry dear, I really hoped you’d never have to witness this sort of thing. If you want to get away I’ll understand, and help you start over wherever you want”. Up until that moment he'd been able to avoid getting too violent in front of Julian. 

Julian hugged him and made gestures to shut him up.

“Will you leave me, my dear?”

“No”. Julian looked at him, assessing the damage. “But need to cure you. Come home”.

He took Garak’s hand and pushed something inside it. Then he took the other one to take him away from there. Garak looked at what had been given to him. It was a small chocolate box, crushed, probably by Julian while he was witnessing the fight. At least this time he’d been smart enough not to intervene. One thing was fighting a drunken human, but Naussicans were a lot more dangerous.

“I wanted you to have a gift” Garak was touched by the gesture, but didn’t feel like he deserved it. Besides, he had really wanted to end the day giving Julian something nice.

“And I have. One for you”.

 

“I’m sorry but we must pack and leave. This place is not safe anymore”.

Garak wanted to start moving right away, but Julian protested until the Cardassian sat and allowed him to cure him. His medical kit was very basic, second hand equipment they’d been gathering slowly over the last two months, but the injuries were mostly superficial so it was enough. Besides, now that their cover had been blown, they couldn’t risk going to a real doctor.

They started to gather all their stuff. They’ve been living a very simple life, so it would not take them too long. Garak folded the clothes and sighed.

“Really, really I’m sorry we have to move”.

“Doesn’t matter”.

“But it should. Living with me will make you never have roots anywhere, as things are now”.

“Don’t care”.

“What if those men tried to hurt you? They could have taken you”.

“You’d have solved it”. Julian laughed softly. “We could have visited another jail”.

What had he done to earn the trust of such a weird creature? He really felt he had failed. What if Tain never stopped going after them?

“It’s still unfair for you”.

Julian stopped packing and walked to Garak. He looked him briefly in the eyes, and then pressed his forehead to his.

“I was happy here. Were you?” Garak nodded. “But we’ll be happy in the next place too. Is an adventure”. He kissed him and continued packing, humming softly.

 

One small merchant ship was about to leave the planet, and Garak had managed to convince its captain to let them in, in exchange for work. He didn’t want to go in a passenger ship again so this was the best he could manage. Besides, he had no more money left to pay for tickets.

The captain smiled at them.

“Captain Kasidy Yates”. She extended her hand and Garak grabbed it firmly. He made a small bow.

“Garak, at your service. And this is Julian. I’ll be working for both of us”.

She raised an eyebrow.

“One without first name and the other, without last. You are quite curious pair. He won’t be working?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know how he will adapt to this environment yet. I’d rather let him be free. Besides, I’m a man of multiple talents”. _And I’d prefer not to be tossed out of an airlock because we have another incident._

Julian was fascinated with the ship.

“Can I see around?”

Kasidy smiled warmly and allowed him to go.

“What’s his problem, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Garak minded, but he knew better than to protest.

“A virus when he was little. He is extremely smart, but words are not his strongest suit”. He shrugged.

“I think you are overprotecting him, mister”.

“Excuse me?” He felt every scale of his body bristle. He suppressed a hiss just before it left his throat. He was ready to work double shifts just to make their life easier, and then there she was, giving him unsolicited advice.

“As you said, he is smart, and he is not a child. Maybe he could use a bit of responsibility, just to feel better with himself. It’s totally up to you both, but I think maybe it would be good for him”.

“We’ll see”.

 

The third day Garak came to their quarters and didn’t find Julian. He was beyond tired after cleaning the storage rooms, but remembering previous incidents, he panicked and started searching for the boy. The first day Julian had roamed, but by the time his shift had ended, the human had had dinner ready for them and was waiting for him while he read. This time, there was no dinner, and the pads were all over the place.

He walked around the ship trying to find him, until he saw the infirmary door open. Julian was there, and the doctor of the ship was guiding him while he cured a bruised crewman with a dermal regenerator.

Garak stood there, smiling in silence until he finished. When the crewman got up, Julian looked at the door and gave him his most disarming smile. The doctor gestured for Garak to come inside. She was an older woman, half human, but Garak couldn’t identify what her other half was.

“You must be Elim. Julian told me so much about you. I was very reluctant at first when he came yesterday, but so far he seems to be a great addition to my humble practice. Also, I don’t think I would have been able to chase him away. He was very determined to work here”.

Julian took Garak’s hands. He jumped excitedly while he told him all he had done, but then froze into place.

“Didn’t make dinner! I forgot, sorry… those wounds were so interesting!” his eyes were bright and open. The doctor looked at him warmly.

“Go get some rest and eat something, kid. Want to come tomorrow again?”

“Can I?”

“Of course. Read this pad if you want, it may be useful”.

So, Kasidy had been right. Garak felt a bit guilty, because he’d been so focused the last months in protecting Julian, he had failed to see he was well on his way to become an independent adult. Was it just out of protectiveness, or because he didn’t want to stop feeling needed? What would happen to him if Julian stopped needing him, or wanted to move on and leave him?

When they got to their room Garak collapsed in a chair, and Julian went to the replicator to fix them something to eat. He was still beaming.

“So, first day at work, dear?” Julian nodded, with his mouth full. He had forgotten to eat and hadn’t even noticed until that moment.

“Elana didn’t want me there at first. Asked me questions”.

“Questions?”

“About medicine. I named all the human bones. And then the Klingon ones. She stopped me when I started with Vulcans. Then told her all immune cells”.

Garak could easily imagine him naming and pointing each and every bone, talking way too fast until she finally stopped him. He couldn't help grinning and feeling incredibly proud.

“Now you have to work less. We split work”.

Maybe he had really been worried about not being needed anymore, because he felt a lump in his throat and relief all at once. He also felt ashamed. He’d been so adamant in front of Julian’s parents about how capable the boy was, and yet he’d been trying to take all the responsibility instead of letting him try out new things.

“I’ll talk to Yates about that tomorrow, what do you say?”

Julian nodded happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in less than 24 hours? what kind of sorcery is that? 
> 
> Anyway, I'll probably have to slow down a bit and read a bit of the novelverse before making Kasidy appear again, because I feel I didn't get to know her enough in the series. I'm also still stuck with ASIT, so I don't want to make Parmak appear again until I know a bit more about him, but I promise I'll get him there again eventually!
> 
> Now I need to figure out what happens next. Or finish a chapter for another story. Whatever happens first.
> 
> Comments are always loved!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian has a crisis in the infirmary.

Garak hurried through the corridors of the Xhosa. Cardassian composure be damned, he didn’t care if all the people in the ship saw him run like the devils were on his tail. He’d been called to the infirmary because something was wrong with Julian and he was starting to panic.

When he entered, Julian was crouching on a corner, head between his knees, covered in all sort of bodily fluids and whimpering softly. He bolted to his side and tried to look at his face. He tried to lift his head but couldn’t. Julian didn’t give any sign of recognition.

“What the hell happened?” Fear was turning into anger and he was trying his best not to shout at the doctor.

“A crewman contracted an illness. We were treating him, I asked Julian to give him a hypospray, but the man vomited and collapsed in front of him and Julian got into that state”.

“And did you help Julian? Or he just fell and nobody did anything?”

“Garak. That crewman was dying. I am the only doctor here and I have no nurses. This is no luxury cruise, in case you haven’t noticed. Surely you can imagine who got treatment first. I tried to scan Julian afterward, once the crewman died, but he didn’t even allow me. The last thing I needed in here was an assistant collapsing in an emergency”.

Garak glared, but knew she was right.

“He needs to change. He stinks. Do you have anything here I can put on him?” He talked through clenched teeth. He didn’t want to risk going back to his quarters to get some clothes, but needed to get Julian away from the heinous stench, or he would never get out of that state.

“I don’t have a lot of things here, but surely at least a medical robe will fit him. Is in the backroom”.

Garak took Julian into his arms and walked there, closing the door. Some of the dirt stained him, but he didn’t even notice. He removed Julian’s clothes and tried to get him something of his size. Finally, he found a pair of pants, but the shirts were either too big or too small and Julian fought hard to take them out. He trashed and whimpered every time the Cardassian tried to put something through his head.

“Julian. Julian, dear, look at me. Please love, stop and look at me”. Julian’s eyes were glassy and didn’t focus on Garak. “You need to wear something”. Julian hugged his frame and said no with his head. “Please, just one more try and we can go to our quarters”. Again a negative.

Garak sighed and removed his jacket. He had several layers behind it so it would not be too scandalous for his taste. _And even if it is scandalous, I would walk bare-chested for all I care right now._ He wrapped it around Julian and waited a minute. The boy hugged it and allowed Garak to take him in his arms again.

Doctor Elana raised a brow when they came out again.

“I’m sorry doctor, but I’m afraid I left quite a lot of clothes out of place in that room”. He couldn’t risk having Julian there any longer, and the doctor understood.

“Go to your room and give him some rest. Call me if you need me, please”.

“I’ll do”.

“And please, as soon as he is better, come back here to talk, you both. Try to get some rest, I’ll tell Captain Yates he is ill and you are taking care, so you don’t have to report to duty tomorrow”.

“That would be most kind of you”.

 

Garak looked only to the corridor ahead. He refused to make eye contact with the crewmembers that watched intently while he carried Julian in his arms, with his feet bare and the too big jacket covering most of his frame.

He was sure tomorrow most of them would be talking, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. They would just get out and find another ship if it was necessary. A new planet. Anything. That last month in the Xhosa had been good, Garak had finally talked his way up to the bridge and was whispering in Yates’ ear, but it would be just as easy to drop this as the other jobs or places had been since they had run away. He didn’t care about anybody in that ship other than Julian. For all he cared, it could crash and burn and if he got him into an escape pod, it would be fine by him. His Cardassian mind was focused only on giving Julian the best possible life. Service was service, after all, be it to the government, a secret agency, or his delicate human.

He closed their quarters’ door and put him on the bed. Julian sniffed a bit and refused to uncurl. Garak undressed him and got them both under a blanket. He already knew there was no use trying to get him out of that frame of mind. He’d just sleep through it and talk when he was better. Julian got closer, still sobbing, and finally fell asleep.

 

When Julian opened his eyes, Garak was looking at him. That was not a surprise for him. Garak never slept after one of his meltdowns. He’d just lay still, watching him for any sign of distress, always trying to ease him and wash away the guilt that came afterward. The feeling of being broken and useless. Of being even dumber than he always felt he looked, with his disheveled looks and his inability to talk like a normal person. There had been glorious moments all that last month when he had allowed himself to believe he may be a doctor, live in the same place for a longer time, make friends. Maybe even stop being a burden for Garak. Now he felt he had lost all that.

“How you feel?”

“Awful”

“Want breakfast?” Julian made a negative gesture. “A bath?” A small nod. “Can you walk?” Again negative. “Wait a minute and I’ll come back, yes?” A nod, and he drop unto the mattress again, curling up.

Garak prepared the bath, temperature a bit low for a Cardassian, perfect for a human, and went back to Julian. He took him in his arms, and then lowered him in the bathtub. It had taken him all of his persuasion to get them a room with a good bathroom, and only recently it had been granted to them, making some of their crewmates hate them and whisper when he walked by, but he didn’t care. As a Cardassian, he needed the heat after a long workday, and Julian needed that too, when he got like this. They’ve managed to control his meltdowns for the whole month they’ve been in the Xhosa, but apparently they had run out of luck this time. Most of the time Julian was able to hold it together until he was alone, or call for Garak when he saw the first signs, but this time it had been too sudden.

He gently watered the human’s hair, and made sure any sign of yesterday’s struggle was washed away. Julian was still not talking or moving. Once he finished, he took him out and wrapped a towel around him, carrying him back to the room. He went to their small replicator to prepare tea for both of them when he heard a faint sob.

“Want to talk now?” Still a negative. He still had the towel around him, and his expression was weird. Anger, perhaps? Garak just sat and waited. There was not much he could do until his senses calmed down. Eventually Julian talked.

“Failed. Wanted to be a doctor. Failed”

“Why you say that?”

“Panicked. It was awful. Smell. Damp. Screaming. Fear. I can’t…”

Garak shushed him.

“Probably most doctors fainted the first time they had to open another living being, my love. Is ok. We will talk with Elana when you feel up to it”.

“Most doctors are not like me. Still… bad. Useless. Slow”.

What could he say? _Wear your earplugs when there’s an emergency? Everything will be ok in time? We’ll talk with the doctor and she will magically find a solution?_ He always felt words were not enough with Julian. He thought about contacting Parmak again. Maybe he had found something that could help them.

“Sorry”.

“Why are you apologizing, dear?”

Julian looked down. “Being me. Ruined this”.

“Love, I knew how you were the moment we met. I haven’t regretted for a single moment running away with you. Do you regret it? ”

“No”. Julian swallowed and for the first time looked at Garak. “Don’t want to go back”. His face was pleading.

“Is that what you fear? That I’d take you back to your parents?” He caressed him gently.

“You will tire. I can’t… do things. Anything. Only wait with dinner some days. Not enough”. His eyes were red again.

“I didn’t bring you with me so you would give me anything, Julian. I don’t _need_ anything”. He kissed him.

“You should”

Garak embraced him in silence and waited until he fell asleep again. He knew the only thing he could do for now was wait and be at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you I wouldn't just let him get everything right at the first try! (I may be having a day, two angsty fics in a row?)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kasidy is just fed up and Julian tries to explain how he percieves the world.

The chime of the door was insistent. Julian tried his best to ignore it, even tossed himself on the bed and covered his ears with a pillow. Eventually he yielded. _636 seconds. 24 chimes. Whoever it is, is not going away._ The sound was hurting him.

“Come”.

Kasidy entered the room and Julian didn’t bother turning back in bed. He was with his face facing the wall, laying in fetal position.

“We need to talk, Julian”.

“No we don’t”.

“It’s been over a week”. No response. “You were not kicked out of the infirmary, you know. Elana is worried”. Julian still didn’t move. “You can’t stay here forever”.

“Yes I can”.

“So what, you will spend the rest of your life here, in bed, rotting away while Garak does all the job?”

“You don’t -!” Julian bolted to a sitting position.

“I don’t what? Tell me”.

“Can’t. You know”. He flopped again.

“I don't know. Help me understand”. She sat on the bed. Julian recoiled to the wall. “I know you struggle, Julian. Trust me, I know. But keeping inside, safe, won’t help you”.

“Tired”. Kasidy waited. “Tired of failing. Of… me”.

Kasidy decided to take another approach. This was going nowhere.

“Sorry to break it for you kid, but life is hard. And you will fail over and over again”. Julian looked as if he had been hit. “Yes, you can’t talk like all the other people. Yes, you get nervous. But you know what? Garak is busting his ass for you, the least you could do is try. Let us help you”.

“Is not… nerves”.

“Then tell me what it is. Take your time, but help me understand”.

“Pad”.

“Sorry?”

“Give me… a pad. I can talk… writing”.

It took all his energy to explain. He mixed writing, drawing, everything he could think of. It was a mess and Kasidy had to make an effort to follow.

He explained how the lights burned his eyes. How smells made his nose sting, and sounds his skin itch, and his own words felt like a knot in his stomach and his throat, and sometimes it felt even painful to let them out. How his mind was so fast his mouth tried to say too much at once every time he tried to talk and he felt tired even before saying anything because he had to untangle dozens of phrases and chose which words made sense when put together. Sometimes he even had to untangle languages because he couldn’t remember to which one words belonged.

How every time he talked he felt he would mess up, so he ended replaying every conversation in his mind for days, all conversations at once, and they accumulated and accumulated, and then he had to talk again so that conversation added to the stash to analyze, and all the while he processed the sound, the movement, sound, smell.

How taste and color seemed to be connected and he could almost taste images and smell touch, and that was just so confusing, and how half the time all those things stashing in his head made him feel like he was about to burst, so he had to run to his quarters at the end of each shift and just lie still trying not to get any more stimuli. How humans smelt, and Vulcans smelt, and even Garak smelt, but not that bad as his own smell was, always following everywhere, no matter how much he bathed and tried not to sweat.

How he used to hide, before meeting Garak, in weird places, trying to get away from everything, everyone, feeling halfway across vulnerable and expendable, and how even dreaming was intense, because his senses were all awake in his dreams, and pain was real there, and even if he had not suffered that kind of damage before, sometimes sleeping was scary because he very well could feel his arms being torn away, or bugs walking all over his body.

How he knew it was not his fault but still some days he just wished to fade away because he was tired of being himself. How Garak had tried in the first days of their relationship to find a treatment but there was none, so he was just focused on helping him feel better, and he was just so tired of being taken care, feeling guilty for being a burden.

“Oh, Julian. Have you talked about this with Elana?” Julian just shook his head.

“She can’t help me. And… don’t want to be pocked. Analyzed. Tested. Please”.

“We won’t force you to anything, you know that, right?” He nodded. “Do you want to go back to the infirmary, Julian?”

“Yes”.

“Then why don’t you?”

“I bother”.

“No, you don’t”.

“I froze”.

“Nobody is going to hold that against you. Even the best doctors get shocked from time to time. Elana is worried. She wants to help you. You want to go back?”

“Yes”.

“Then let’s go”.

“Now?”. He felt panic rising again.

“When you are ready. But make it soon”.

“Tomorrow? Please?”

“Very well. Tomorrow at 0800 hours I want to see you there”.

She turned to leave, but then felt a small tug in her sleeve and heard a small voice.

“Thank you”.

“I’ll bring scones and jam to the infirmary tomorrow”.

 

Garak was sitting on the bridge. He was in charge of security now, and most of his crewmates hated him for that. The war with Cardassia was still too recent, and nobody liked having a lizard with a far too big smile on such close quarters. For him to be so far from his planet, either he was an exile, or a man with a mission, and both options were equally shady for them. But captain Yates seemed to trust the man or at least find him useful, and his human mate seemed to have all sort of problems, so they had no other option than endure him.

They had tried to tackle him in a corridor the first week, only to find themselves either on the floor or painfully pressed against a bulkhead by a still smiling Cardassian.

“My, my, is this some sort of welcome committee, gentleman?” 5 humans groaned as they tried to get back on their feet, feeling as their whole body had been bruised, while other was pressed against the wall, his windpipe crushing. Garak wasn’t even sweating.

“Is this one of those famous human greeting parties? I heard a lot about human hospitality but never expected something this magnificent. You really overdid yourself, I’m honored”. Suddenly his eyes seemed a lot harder and he stopped smiling. “One word of advice. Try this on _my_ human, and trust me, you will regret it. _A lot_. You will be begging”. He smiled again. “Is that clear?”

And just like that, he just let go of the man he was holding and walked back, disappearing in the shadows.

So, they had decided it was for their best interest to leave the Cardassian alone. The man was paranoid enough to never eat anything that didn’t come from his own replicator, so poisoning was out of the question. Not that they had thought about doing that, of course.

“Hello Captain, so unusual of you to take that long inspecting cargo bay”. Garak smiled and made a small bow without leaving his post.

“Yeah, sorry, I had to check on something. I hope there were not any problems?”

“None at all. But this area tends to have Cardassian patrols, so if I may suggest something, I’d rather not show my face, but I can get them away in case someone tries to inspect your ship. I think is best for all our interests to not have them on our tails”.

“Something wrong with your face, Mister Garak?” one of the engineers muttered.

“Well, I think we both can agree I’m not the most handsome man on this ship”.

 

That night, when he went back to his quarters, he found Julian had made dinner again, and was reading a medical pad.

“Good to see you back on your feet, love. Something happened?”. This time, the smile was genuine. Julian left the pad and grabbed his hands, urging him to sit and eat.

“Not really. Tomorrow… I go out early”.

“Infirmary again?”

“Yes. Want some tea?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow I feel something is missing in Garak's part of this chapter. I don't know. But I needed to write a bit of a cathartic and not so angsty fic and put all the anxiety there (halfway across a very vicious Voyager one I realized I needed to stop with the angst), so here it is. 
> 
> As always, comments are love.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all fluff and comfort, no hurt. For once I needed that. Hope it is not too silly but I’m trying new stuff. Don't worry, I'll get back to trying to kill them soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was halfway on this chapter, named her Melisa just because, and then I said “crap, that’s the feminine of Miles, I didn’t even realize it!” She’s an engineer because that’s my all-time favorite division, but apparently somehow I drew a parallel. And her personality is a homage to my best friend, who was more than thrilled yesterday when I told her I was writing this, and who would be even more thrilled if I made smut too (in fact she’d insist that I write it). She was so proud of me she couldn’t understand why I would hide behind a nickname, when what I’m doing is so amazing in her eyes, and she made me feel so loved.

Julian stirred. He didn’t want to get up just yet. It was not usual that both he and Garak had matching free days. To be on vacation, this was a first time for him. Of course, his family used to travel, but he hardly called that enjoyable. Now this, a short shore leave on Risa for the whole of the Xhosa crew, in a small but cozy hotel, the sea so close he could hear the waves, this was pure bliss for him.

He wanted to try swimming, but he also was just a bit too comfortable. Clothes always seemed to be annoying and itchy for him, so being bare against soft sheets was always one of the highest points of the day for him. At first, Garak had been all kinds of scandalized when, only some days after eloping, Julian had just taken everything out and flopped on the bed, but he had been so shameless about that that the Cardassian eventually ended up getting used to it and finding it endearing. Julian had always wanted to just be able to do that, and not having his parents around, he felt like doing whatever crossed his mind.

Garak looked at him fondly. It was a weird situation for him as well. While he was a lot more alert than Julian was ( _one of us has to be the one ready to kill should the situation arise, and I know_ he _won’t be the one_ ), he nevertheless was feeling good. The last months on the Xhosa had been quiet, and finally they both had gotten used to their routine, with Julian feeling more relaxed and managing his mood swings better and better. Some shipmates still resented the fact that a Cardassian was with a human, and so much younger than him to make things worse, but they had started to warm up to the young man, and at least they were tolerating Garak. There was something about Julian that made people first want to smack him, but then warm up to his never-ending flow of weirdness. Julian had even managed to make one close friend.

“I’m hungry”. Julian stretched like a cat but made no attempt to move.

“So?” Garak playfully ignored him.

“Bring food” He smiled smugly.

“Is that an order?”

“Yessss”.

Garak smiled and stretched, only to fall again on the bed. Julian poked him with a finger. Garak just rolled to his side. Julian tried to push him out of the bed, but Garak was faster, and bolted, getting over him and catching his hands.

“I think you are getting spoiled”. He nuzzled his nose and kissed him deeply. Julian wiggled and laughed but couldn’t get out. He stilled, waiting for Garak to ease his grip, and then flipped them, sitting on his stomach with a little victory sound. Garak just raised an eye ridge.

“Now it seems I am in no position to go get you food, my dear”.

“I’ll tickle you”.

“So? I’ll still be trapped”.

Julian seemed to think about it, and then threw himself to the side again.

“There. Free”. He smiled and made a gesture with his hand. “Go”.

Garak chuckled but got up. Everything was worth it the moments he had the chance to see Julian like that. He may tell himself it was just another way of being a man of service, taking care of his human, but the truth was a lot simpler. He was so not used to be happy he needed to rationalize it, and deep down he knew it. After a life being turned into a perfect weapon, now he had some moments where he could stop and wonder who he was under all his training. Even if he was in a tactical post of the Xhosa, it was a small freighter, almost weaponless, just carrying things one place to another. So different from his former life, so less shadowy.

Julian watched him shamelessly as he walked, and Garak chuckled. One unique thing about Julian was that he was not bound by any social convention. He had no care for being subtle, or restrained what he wanted to say. The first times they had been together Garak had been a bit scandalized at how crude Julian was when he wanted to try something, going as far as to show pictures or diagrams, or how he would just stare and make all sort of comments. Garak was used to either the stoic Cardassian way, or making himself be whatever he needed in order to accomplish a mission. He’d learned to flirt in any kind of alien customs to help him extract information and seduce possible targets, but Julian, with his quirky and weird way of seeing the world had something that made him drop all that. He was not subtle, he had no use for obfuscation. Maybe he was sometimes flirty, but there was an honesty and a pure adoration that was not something Garak ever expected to find in his life.  

“See anything you like?” Garak could tell Julian’s eyes were following him hungrily.

“Yep”. Julian raised his eyebrows and gave him the dirtiest look.

“You could at least try to sugarcoat it”. Julian just laughed.

“And bring cookies!”

 

It was afternoon when they finally decided to go out. Julian wanted to know the sea. He’d been to coastal places before, but his parents had always feared he’d drown, so he’d never gone further than knee level. The air temperature was still warm enough for Garak to feel comfortable, even if it was slowly getting dark.

Garak knew how to swim, of course, and the water was so controlled by the environmental systems of the planet, it was really improbable they would have any problems. Still, he was focused on making sure Julian was safe.

“Cooooold!” Julian laughed and dipped his head when a wave hit him.

“You don’t tell me”. _Cardassian seas are always warmer. What is it with humans and cold things?_

Julian gave Garak a very salty kiss and got underwater again. He emerged with a lot of small shells in his hands. He was laughing and spitting water.

“Save them for me!” He had insisted to bring a bag to collect shells and small stones.

Julian was having the time of his life. He had not been able to play or discover things when he was little so he was trying to do everything at once. Garak got afraid a wave would take him away a couple times, only to find himself pushed into the water by a giddy human. They had chosen the time correctly, since most people were already engaging in another kind of activities at that time of the day in Risa, leaving the sea all for themselves.

 

It was late when they finally got out of the water. They saw Kasidy with some other crewmembers in a table, and went there to meet them.

“You came out of the hotel quite late, boys. I thought you would come earlier to bask on the sun”.

“We were having… _fun_ ” answered Julian with a crooked smile and raised his eyebrows.

“Julian!” Garak scales went dark with embarrassment. “Please don’t give any more details”. Julian laughed at that and grabbed his arm, but didn’t elaborate. Even if Kasidy was warmer than any captain Garak had ever met, he still was short of horrified about Julian’s lack of discretion.

A thin, redheaded engineer was making rounds of a beverage, and she passed one to them with a smile.

“I _do_ want you to give details, come here and tell me!”

“Julian, don’t”. Garak knew it was a lost battle, but still tried to save himself from the utter embarrassment he was sure whatever Julian wanted to recall would bring to him.

Julian was always following her like a puppy. They were around the same age, human, and while Erica was not as smart as Julian, she still was far over the human average. She was deceptively delicate, because she could get as crass and loud as the worst Klingon. Garak shuddered thinking what kind of things she knew about him already, because she encouraged Julian’s openness by telling him her own stories. Apparently she’d run away from Earth some years ago, but like most people on the Xhosa, she was quite discreet about her past and nobody really wanted to ask.

He sat near her and started to talk animatedly. They would always do that, just get a corner to talk, or play all sort of games, while they shared a drink. Julian sometimes seemed surprised by the fact that he indeed had a friend.

Kasidy was sitting with some of the men that had attacked Garak on his first week. While they were more accepting of him now, there was still an underlying tension. Garak sat and ignored them.

“Ever been to Risa before, mister Garak?”

“A couple times, Captain, but it was strictly on business. To be honest, it is not common for my people to take time off, and I used to be a very busy man”.

“What was your trade, again? I seem to have forgotten” one of the crewmen asked. They always tried to make Garak give information or slip in his lies. They never succeeded.

“Gardening. Elosian orchids are deceptively simple. Those who are able to grow them are in high demand, as you may imagine. And plants never take days off, so neither gardeners do”.

“Maybe gardeners don’t but cargo captains sure need some days to relax before going back on business. And I think the same can be said about their crew. Don’t you agree?”

Garak looked at Julian, flapping his hand and talking animatedly. Even if he struggled with words, he seemed more and more willing to communicate and connect to people. Yes, maybe a vacation was not such a bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing I ALWAYS hated is writing romantic interactions. I suck. I really suck. In fact that is one of the reasons I stopped trying to be a writer or an illustrator so many years ago; I felt I’d never be able to do it without feeling weirded out. While only now I’m embracing my over-the-top shipper side, I still think I’m quite awful. I’d like to know what you all thought of Garak and Julian’s interactions up so far, because I wrote them, and even I felt it was not very clear just what the hell their relationship was. I mean, I am quite sure this Julian jumped Garak’s bones as soon as he could, but I always chickened out when it came to writing it.
> 
> So, I’m totally forcing myself to do it. I am even thinking about writing smut for my other ongoing series just to push myself out of my comfort zone. Yes, you can’t be a bitch to me because I’ll always out-bitch you. If I can torture myself, bet your asses I’m going to do it. This is my least favorite chapter, and the one that was hardest to write because I kept trying to throw some killers in between.
> 
> Oh, and don’t forget: one nice chapter means I’m totally screwing with them on the next one. I can’t be too nice, can I? I don’t know how much I can drag the Xhosa storyline, anyway.
> 
> As always, comments are love, and they encourage this insecure nervous wreck to try new things :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is actually dedicated to Eilu, because I was thinking about doing an angsty piece and her comments pushed me into another direction, so this chapter just flowed naturally while I was reading them. I almost missed my subway stop because I was totally engrossed writing it! I penned 4 pages in my fanfic notebook in just 20 minutes (sometimes I wonder what would happen if I lost it and someone found it. Probably that person would have a lot of questions). 600 words in just one ride!

_Calm down Julian. Calm down. Breathe. Focus. Ignore everything else just this one time. Please._

It was hard to focus when the one lying unconscious in front of him was Garak. They had hit an abandoned minefield and the ship had sustained heavy damage. There were a lot of crewmen injured, but all he was able to see was Garak. Elana had her hands full but he couldn’t care less.

_I’m not a real doctor anyway, I can do whatever I want. And even if I were, I still would not care. Focus Julian. Stop thinking, those things don’t matter right now. Stop, stop! Check his vitals. Remember what you’ve learned, you’ve read about Cardassian physiology. Stop. Breathe. Search the book in your head. Remember, what was the normal heart rate? 50 to 250. Check… 70, ok, what’s next? Block all the noises, focus. Look for concussions. Calm down, look at the tricorder Julian._

Elana was talking to him but he blocked her. He blocked everything. He blocked the thoughts in his mind. Nothing mattered. He was focusing on what he knew about Cardassian first aid.

_Mild concussion. Hypospray. Done. What’s next? Focus, focus. Stop the noises. Stop! Bones. Broken bones. Look for them. No broken bones, good._

Garak stirred and moaned softly. He tried to get up but Julian gently pushed him down and pressed another hypospray to his neck.

“What -?”

“Accident. Ok now. Hush. Lie”. His throat hurt from the effort of trying to talk. He was so focused he felt he couldn’t even remember how to form words. He was too scared. Nothing else mattered, the only important thing was in front of him, in a hospital bed, with blood in his head. He kept poking Garak with his instruments until he felt his hand in his arm.

“Julian. Julian. I’m ok. Stop”.

Julian shook his head.

“No. No stop. I need to…”

“ _Julian_ ”.

He finally stopped and looked at Garak. They looked each other squarely in the face, even if Julian’s eyes were unfocused and a bit misty.

“I’m ok now, love. Calm down”.

“I… am calm”, He wasn’t even blinking. His lungs hurt because he had forgotten how to breathe.

“Go help Elana. I’m fine”.

“No”.

“Julian. I saw the captain bleeding before passing out. Please, go. Stop poking me”.

Julian seemed to be deciding whether to argue, press more hypos, keep scanning or start crying, but finally, he squared his shoulders and inhaled.

“Ok”. He was about to turn, but thought it and got close to Garak’s face. “Never do that again. Never. Love you. Stay here. Don’t move”.

Garak rolled his eyes and shushed him away. He felt something weird in his chest, but he was not sure if it was pride or nausea because of the concussion. He wanted to close his eyes and sleep, but forced himself to stay awake, because he feared Julian would start poking him again. _Pride, it is. The nausea is there, too, but it is located a bit lower. Can I throw up without him noticing?_ He looked at Julian. _No, he is still watching. Better try to hold up a bit longer. Is there a bucket I could use anywhere…?_

“Julian, go to your quarters. Everything is under control”. Elana was exhausted. They had been working for hours, and both had blood all over their clothes and faces. The only thing she wanted was to change and sleep, but first she needed to make sure Julian was ok. He’d been remarkable, a totally different person from the inexperienced boy that had walked into the infirmary half a year ago. Even if at first he’d refused to acknowledge anybody but his lover, once he’d been stabilized she’d managed to make him snap out of his fear and work with her.

They had treated 15 crewmen, including the captain and Erica, who had sustained plasma burns in her hands and face and was in shock when she was brought in. They had managed to keep them all alive, and the doctor was sure she would not had been able to do it if she had been alone.

“I’m ok”.

“I know you are ok, but I can handle from here. Take Garak with you and take a bath, Julian. Both of you. I’ll stay for the night”.

Julian nodded and helped Garak get on his feet. He murmured something into the ear of Erica and squeezed her hand gently, and then walked to the door, holding Garak’s arm and waist.

“Julian”. Elana stopped him. “You were great today. These people are alive because of you. Thank you”.

Julian smiled faintly and went out of the infirmary.

 

“I can very well do it myself, my dear!” Garak was scandalized. The nerve of it!

“You helped me before”. Julian was not ready to drop the issue.

“That was different”. Garak wrinkled his nose and made an offended sound.

“It was not”. Julian huffed.

“Julian”. Now he lowered his eye ridges menacingly and hissed.

“No”. He crossed his arms. He would not be intimidated by his reptile.

“Get out”. Garak pointed to the door.

“No”. Julian didn’t move.

“I am a grown man” Garak glowered.

“So was I”. Julian put his most serious face.

“You were in shock that time”. He was not ready to drop the issue.

“And you are injured _this_ time”. Neither was Julian.

“Julian…” Garak considered begging. His head still hurt.

“I bath you and that’s it”. Julian tugged at Garak’s bloody shirt and didn’t stop until the Cardassian surrendered.

Garak undressed and stepped inside the bathtub with a sigh, but relaxed as soon as he felt the heat. He didn’t like being taken care of, but was too weak to do really fight it. He heard Julian get closer.

“You scared me, Elim”.

Garak relaxed and looked at Julian. He touched his cheek softly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to”.

“Not your fault”. He helped Garak remove the blood and kept checking on him. He was bruised from being tossed from his seat when the ship shook. He’d hit a bulkhead head-on, lost consciousness and rolled from one side to the other as a rag doll. It was amazing he had no broken bones.

“I know. But I still regret making you worry”.

Julian took his hand and stood there, silent, for a minute. Then suddenly beamed at Garak.

“I was a doctor there. Didn’t break”.

“And I am so proud of you”. When the water started to cool down, he got up and Julian helped him wrap a towel around himself. Garak looked at him and gave him a dirty smile. “Now, I see a doctor here that is quite bloody himself. I may be able to help him with that…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still exploring style. I sort of love the little verbal sparring bit! I think I managed to convey how Julian is growing without going deep into the angsty side, so I'm quite happy.
> 
> As always, comments are love, and I get very happy reading and answering them! I even stopped coding today to reply some of them <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian starts making friends, and talks a bit about his relationship with Garak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooops, guess who tried to edit, made a mess and ended up erasing everything... Luckily I always backup everything, but bottom line: don't try to edit in the middle of a family reunion. To make things worse, it was one of the hardest chapters to write. Borg bless google docs, and next time, I will turn up the brightness of the screen and read what I am pressing.

Erica was there, orbiting Julian, from the very first week. She was one of the youngest ones on the ship, so when she heard there was a human boy working in the infirmary, she just had to check. And with her, check meant sticking her head inside the room and not leaving until she got what she wanted.

She’d heard the rumors: he had some sort of disability and couldn’t talk. It was not that he was mute, but that he was telepathic. Not Betazoid or Vulcan, but something of that sort for sure. He had a Cardassian bodyguard. He was a fugitive. They had a warrant over their heads in a lot of systems. They were sleeping together. No, they were not. The boy was actually a royal, abducted by the evil lizard and probably there was good money if somebody returned him to his kingdom. The boy was the evil one, manipulating the older man. They were hired guns on the run. They were geniuses and had gotten into problems with a secret organization. They were not even a human and a Cardassian, but some sort of shapeshifters. The Cardassian was a war criminal, running from his government.

She was very redheaded. Short, straight red hair and a lot of freckles. She seemed little, soft, vulnerable, but then she started to talk, and it was hard not to wonder if there was a Klingon somewhere in her genetic makeup. She had a lot of drunken fighting stories to match. Also, she had no sense of personal space, nor privacy. There was no topic she would not talk about.

She popped her head into the small office and saw him. He was sitting in a corner, reading a pad and taking notes. It seemed like a slow day in the infirmary, because there were no patients and Doctor Elana was rearranging things on a shelf. When she heard the door she turned.

“Erica! Is there any problem? Have you stuck your hand in a plasma generator again?”  _You get a stupid burn_ one _time and they will always remind you about it?_

Julian raised his head.

“No, no, this time I didn’t do anything. I just wanted to say hello”.

“Well, hello. Goodbye then, Erica”.

She didn’t even pay attention. She walked inside and sat next to Julian.

“Hello”. He didn’t answer but looked at her. “I’m Erica. Just that, no last name. I dropped it after some problems I ran into, I can totally explain over a beer if you want. I think half this ship already know I can tell anything with enough alcohol”. She laughed and shrugged. She could drink under the table almost anybody on the ship anyway. “Whatever. Now, most of these brutes are boring and also so much older than me, so I was thinking maybe I could use a friend, and I heard so many wild rumors you seem like the kind of person I would want to know. So, what’s your name?”

Julian looked at her with wild eyes. He was positively scared after so many words, and the small girl was sitting too close for his comfort.

“Ju… lian”.

She looked at him intently. Elana tried to get her to leave but she just dismissed her with a gesture. She analyzed him a bit and he held his breath.

“Autistic?” There was no judgment, only a wild curiosity.

“… wha -?”

“I had a lot of autistic friends on Earth. Cool people. Better than normal people. All the more reason to know each other”.

“Erica, please, can you leave? Are you not needed down there on the warp core or something?” Elana was starting to lose her patience. Julian looked at the redhead intently.

“The only one that – that likes how I am… is Elim”.

“Oh, that can’t be true. Or you don’t know the right people. You are in obvious need of a friend. Have any?”

“Friends?” he shook his head.

“That’s decided then. Let’s go to the mess hall. Now you have one”.

Elana stopped her.

“What about asking him first?”

“Oh, come on, look at him. He totally needs to get out of here. It’s not like you are operating on anybody anyway. I’ll return him in an hour”.

“He’s not a plant to be returned, you know that, right?”

Julian smiled shyly and got up. He looked at Elana.

“Can I…?”

“Yes, go, go. Just leave my infirmary”.

 

“Made a friend”. Garak was fixing them something to eat while Julian idly wrote in a little medical text he was reading.

“Really?” He smiled as he put the plates on the table and Julian put the pad away.

“Redhead engineer. Erica. Came to sickbay to meet me. Came  _for_  me”.

Garak had seen her. He’d cataloged most of the crewmen as soon as they boarded, and had considered her to be in the “not dangerous” category. There were rumors that pointed at her as a little wildcard, a social butterfly but a bit too forceful, nothing to worry about. He had no interest in anybody besides ensuring they were not a threat to Julian, so he had not really talked to her or really paid more than the minimal attention.

“Just like that, she went there and now you are friends?”

“Talked to me. Took me to the mess hall. We ate”.

He had been so nervous he had not really talked a lot in that first meeting. She made most of the conversation, but he didn’t mind. It was nice listening to her. Apparently, she was from the south of Earth, and wanted to see the world, but Starfleet Academy bored her to death. She was not good following commands, but she was good fixing things. After one year, she dropped, and her family got mad at her. Also, there had been some sort of an affair but she didn’t tell much about it. It had been a messy situation even by her quite low standards. So she just joined a merchant ship and went away, and then another, and then finally landed on the Xhosa. She wanted adventure and to meet new people, so she was not sure how long she’d stay on the ship. Garak looked at him fondly while he blurted all the information. By the time he finished telling the story, they were in their little coach, with a warm blanket surrounding them. Garak was softly caressing Julian’s hair.

“Elim, can we stay here?”

“Here, in the Xhosa, or in the coach?” He playfully kissed the top of Julian’s head, making the boy close his eyes and smile.

“Both. Coach. Ship. Like it here. People are good”.

Garak was not so sure about that, since he’d been attacked by some of their crewmates a couple days ago, but as long as Julian didn’t find out and they didn’t go after him, it was ok to stay.

"Of course. We will stay as long as you want to". It was not as if Garak had anywhere else to go. He hoped against hope someday he'd be able to return to Cardassia, but for now, he didn't really mind where he was as long as Julian was safe.

They discussed literature a bit then, and Garak helped him prepare for an exam. While what would become of Julian’s career was not very clear yet, he was trying to take courses that didn't require him to go anywhere and prepare for medical school. Even if it was possible he would never really practice like a normal doctor, he didn’t want to lose hope just yet. Just 3 months ago he had felt he was unable to do anything, and now he had reached places he'd never imagine would be within his grasp. He was working. He was in love. He was connecting with people. Little by little, he felt he was becoming himself, instead of Jules, the poor sick boy who couldn't be left alone, but who was always lonely and feeling worthless.

It was late when they finally decided to go to bed, and Julian felt content as he fell sleep, listening to the easy breath of Garak and feeling as safe as he’d felt since the first night he’d broken into his room.

 

They settled into an easy rhythm. Erica would come to the infirmary when her shift was over or she had free time, and she’d take Julian to the mess hall to talk his ears off.

He was unsure what he was supposed to do. With Garak, things had sort of just flowed naturally, and the physical part gave him a lot of input to assess his humor, but now he was more aware of himself and his surroundings, and couldn’t help wondering.

“What  _should_  you do? You don’t have to  _do_  anything! That’s not how friendship works. Are you really telling me you’ve never been around people your age before?”

“Only until I was… 6. Then got ill. Father never let me out again then”. Julian and Garak had agreed to stick to the Bashirs’ story of an illness. Being on the run was already dangerous enough without them letting anybody know about the genetic modifications.

“Well, your father is not here now. So now you get to do whatever you want”. She ate a bit more and kept talking. Julian liked her. He felt people were either annoying or got annoyed at him, but she never judged him. She liked how he was and made him feel that being what he was, was not a bad thing. She never questioned him for not looking at her eyes, but rather count her freckles (219, but there were 32 that appeared only when she was blushing after saying something especially dirty). That made two people who liked him now, Elim and Erica. It was a novel feeling for him. And maybe Doctor Elana liked him as well, but he was not so sure about her yet.

“Now, I wanted to ask you, rumor has it you two are some sort of fugitives. What are you running away from?”

Julian pondered the question. “Everything. Everyone”.

“That’s quite a lot of running. But I can totally understand you”. She didn’t press, and bit her sandwich. “So, how’s the deal? You met him and just eloped?”

“Sort of”. It seemed he would not say anything else, but then resumed it. “He understood me. I wanted to be with him. We couldn’t there. So we ran”. He shrugged.

“So, are the rumors true?” She gave him a crooked and dirty smile.

“Rumors?”

“That you are together” He didn’t seem to understand. “A couple. Fucking".

“Oh, yes, yes. Both things”. He nodded animatedly.

Erica tended to be crass so a lot of her shipmates felt uncomfortable around her. But Julian liked that. She didn’t say one thing and mean another as most of the people used to do, and it helped him understand. She had no use for metaphors or niceties. Analyzing was tiresome and distracted him from the conversation. By the time he had grasped what was the meaning behind the words, the topic was over and he had lost half of what had been said. But she meant what she said, and had no problem repeating or explaining. Also, he had no idea why some things were ok to say in public and some others were not, and she seemed to share that trait. While Garak got scandalized with some of the things Julian said, that was funny and part of their dynamic, but with other people, Julian always felt he was being judged. And he didn’t know how he was supposed to react to judgment. Garak always knew when it was ok to bow politely, to smile or to threaten people, but Julian was never sure which one was the right one. Anyway, he was quite certain threatening worked better with a sturdy frame and a Cardassian face. He'd been practicing angry faces in front of the mirror, but still looked more like a sad puppy than an offended thug.

“Then why do you keep it so quiet? Many people here have a mate. In fact, did you know that G’tar and Berum are seeing each other?” she got closer and talked lower, as she did every time she had some tasty information. He didn’t care a lot about gossip but she would tell him anyway. “I run into them the other day on one corridor. They were horrified when I saw them. I think they fear I’ll spread the rumor. Well, I am totally spreading the rumor. But still” She raised her eyebrows. “I mean, you don’t need to keep it quiet, everybody has things going on here”.

“People get angry at us. Don’t know why. Don’t want that. Angry people scare me and make Elim mad”.  _And mad Elim may kill people. I want to stay in this ship a bit longer, so it is better if nobody dies._

She’d suspected that much. Even though same-sex couples were common since centuries ago, still certain cultures frowned at them, there was a big age gap, Cardassians were hated for, honestly, a lot of valid reasons, and Julian seemed so young there were rumors he wasn’t even an adult. Some people on the ship thought his disability made it some sort of an abusive relationship. But nothing she’d seen until that point made her think of that.

“Don’t mind people. To hell with them, Julian. Are you happy?”

“Yes. Love him”.

“Then that’s what matters. So, you are with him then. I was curious about that”.

“Curious?”

“Oh, yeah”.

“Don’t understand”.

“Some people around here insist that you have a platonic relationship. That no human could be into Cardassians  _that way_ ”.

“Sounds dumb. He’s hot”. He shrugged.

Erica spat her water through her nose and almost choked. She patted him in the arm and laughed hard between bouts of coughing. He was so innocent and had so little idea how complex the world around him was. He had no idea why she was laughing. After all, he had just stated the truth.

“So, were you together when you eloped?”

“Yes. Just knowing each other”.

“Had you…?” she made a very obscene gesture. He looked at her trying to understand and then his eyes grew big.

“Oh, no, no! Kiss only. Went to sleep in his room always, but not that. Just cuddle”.

“Sleep?”

“Ran from my parents. His room was quiet and he was nice. Did that 23 nights”.

Julian smiled at the memory. He had been almost like a child then, isolated, unable to talk, feeling he was unable to do anything. The first time he followed Garak to the garden he felt he was able to do something, even if it was as small as helping him with his maimed back. He’d never imagined he would be allowed to return after that. Nobody wanted him around more than a few minutes. And yet, Garak had sought him after that, invited him to eat lunch, discussed literature with him in the only way he was able to form complex ideas, allowed him to stay in his room at night. He had not minded he was not like the others, but then again, Garak was not like the others either. They both had a person inside that was not what the rest of the world was able to see.

“Nobody noticed you went there?” Julian got silent and Erica waited for him.

“That’s why we ran”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are love and I really appreciate the feedback!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little scenes in no particular order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, I sort of hit a bit of a wall with this story. I’m working on the next chapter but it is coming slowly as there’s far too much that happens there, so I decided to write all those little bits that didn’t make it to the original cut and make a whole chapter with them. Maybe I'll do some more and post another little scenes chapter because they were really fun to write.

The first day after fleeing Romulus.

 

They entered their room on the freighter ship and put all their meager belongings on the floor. Julian unpacked, first Kukalaka, then his pads. Once he was happy with that, he started to undress, in front of a wide-eyed Garak.

“Itchy”, he said with a shrug and took off his shirt.

“Wh -what?” It was not common for Garak to be without words. But this was a new situation. Julian had been fidgety with his clothes before, but had never done something like that.

“Clothes. Itchy”. Julian just kept removing garments until he was totally naked, then took a pad and flopped on the bed. He looked at Garak, who had turned a weird color and was not looking at him, his gaze fixed on the wall.

“What... Wrong?” Surely he had not done anything weird. They had kissed and were running together after all, and he had read enough books to be sure nakedness was sort of a normal part of that. Or would be. He was not quite sure of the correct order yet.

“Do you plan to put some clothes on, dear?” Garak's voice was strangled, and if he kept looking at the wall, either he'd memorize it, or make a crack with the strength of his stare.

“No. Why?”

“You should”

“Why?”

Julian got up and walked until he was mere inches from Garak. He embraced him from behind. Garak tensed.

“Why?” he repeated, while he nuzzled his neck. Garak felt like he could very well jump out of his skin at that point.

“Because you are... so naked”. he swallowed hard.

“Yes. So?”

“What do you plan to do?”

“Don't know. Read. Sleep. You?”

Garak turned, trying to keep his eyes as much as possible in Julian's face. The boy looked hurt, probably was not even aware why it was uncomfortable for Garak.

“We Cardassians... We are _proper_ people. We have courtship steps, and traditions, and rituals, and... we don't just take our clothes off and then go _read_ ”.

“I'm not Cardassian”. Julian scratched his head, thinking. “Not human either. Just... Julian”.

And then the most disarming smile. Oh, that boy would be the ruin of him. Thousands of proud years of Cardassian traditions laughed at Garak.

Julian went back to the bed and took his pad. Garak couldn't believe his eyes. He really was decided to do what he'd said. He was actually reading. Julian looked up at him again.

“Come. Comfortable”.

Garak walked and sat at the border of the bed. Julian wiggled a bit to make space for him ( _don't look down Garak, just keep your eyes focused and... ups, wow, too late_ ) and then, when he was in the place Julian apparently found correct, he curled around him, with one hand in the Cardassian's hair, the other holding the pad.

“You don't... read?”

“Maybe later, love. I think I'll just relax a bit”. Garak closed his eyes, and after a while fell asleep.

Maybe a thousand years of traditions were laughing at him, but somehow he felt comfortable, with that strange creature reading at his side.

 

\-----

 

Firsts.

 

Garak had been planning how to run with Julian since the first time they had lunch together and talked about literature.

At first, it had been just a hobby, a bit of side-plotting while he waited for the Romulan diplomat to be in the right place to make his assassination convenient. After all, being a gardener was a bit boring sometimes, and he had to occupy his mind with something.

At first, it had not even been serious plotting. All things considered, why would that young and innocent boy want to run with an old Cardassian? Where his parents saw flaws, Garak was finding there was an alluring mind, a beauty that was unique, not completely human. He had not considered Julian would really want to be with him more than in those boring, passing moments. Eventually his father's job would be done and they would go on with their lives.

And at first, he had not really believed Julian meant it when he suggested they ran away. But then, Julian showed him a bit of a plan he had been thinking. It was naïve, impossible, completely ridiculous, but he’d been so eager, so enthusiastic, Garak started to believe maybe, maybe, there was a chance. That plan was short of one of those old spy movies Julian loved so much. Garak found them ridiculous, and even voiced that several times when, those first long nights, Julian had insisted on watching them, but the boy still loved them and pictured himself as a sly spy every time he sneaked out of his parents' grip.

And then, things just got awry with Julian’s parents, and he asked his boy if he was sure he wanted to run. If he wanted to run _with him_ , of all the people in the galaxy. And Julian had not doubted. So Garak laid his plan, and they decided to go with it, with one modification: where Garak wanted a hideout, Julian asked for a house. Sun. Freedom. So they did it.

So now, they were standing in front of a very small cottage, almost abandoned, very dirty, in a frontier world. Garak knew that place, and knew it would be in terrible condition, but it was the best he could do with so little time and without calling any of his contacts. Julian didn’t mind. They spent the first week making it a home, fixing leaks in the ceiling, cleaning, taking out weeds.

They only got to live in that house for two months, but for Julian, those two months were the best ones he’d ever had. It was, after all, the first time he was free.

 

\-----

 

Pads.

It was a chance discovery for Garak. Julian had been hanging around him for a week, mostly helping with the plants. He suspected the boy was smart, but it was hard to measure how much. And then, one day he was walking to his quarters, and saw something odd that made him make a double take and turn. There was _something_ in a corner. A bag, maybe? An animal? A more careful inspection showed that it was not something, but someone. Julian was with his head on the floor, legs on the wall. His shoes were at the side. And he was reading.

He couldn’t resist getting closer to see what he was up to.

“Hello, dear. Are you comfortable? Is that wall cozy enough?”

Julian looked up (front, actually, considering his position) and smiled at Garak. He extended his arm and showed him the pad. Garak took it and looked. He was not sure what he was expecting, but clearly, it was not Vulcan poetry in the original Vulcan.

“You can read Vulcan?”

Julian shrugged.

“With time… I read anything. Can’t talk… but understand, yes. Anything”.

Garak had always loved literature, and poetry in particular. He seldom had found kindred spirits to share that interest of him and talk. Most people either had boring ideas, or was not willing to have a heated discussion. He was not sure about the later because of his speech impairment, but probably the former was more than true with Julian. He returned the pad.

“I’m not that versed in Vulcan literature, but I’d like to discuss it if you wanted”.

Julian slid his legs from the wall to the floor. Garak thought he would get up, but instead folded them and just stood there, in horizontal position, thinking.

“How? I can’t…”

When it was obvious Julian was not about to get up, Garak sat on the floor, with his legs crossed. He thought a bit about their dilemma, and then felt a bit of a movement. Julian had used his feet to propel himself away from the wall, and placed his head on his lap, as if he was a puppy. Garak couldn’t help thinking what a weird image it was. The gardener, full of dirt, his tools at his side, with a barefooted human boy reading a pad just carelessly using him as a pillow.

“Do you plan to just stay like that, dear?”

Julian hummed, and kept reading. Something seemed to catch his attention, and he started to write on his pad. Garak followed his hand with his eyes and then it came to him.

“Can I look at it?”

The notes were disorganized, with arrows, drawings, lists and interconnected words and sentences, and all the book had them. And they were brilliant. Even if he was not able to read Vulcan, just with those annotations he could feel how amazing that analysis was. Those notes conjured images in his mind, maybe even better than the ones the poetry had in the first place. It was a coherent piece on its own, even if it pulled in all kind of directions.

“Is this how you think?”

“Yes. All at once” Julian seemed embarrassed.

“Is beautiful. Amazing”.

Julian opened his eyes.

“No one thinks… that… of me”. Garak wondered how many times he’d been mistreated, to think that way of seeing the world was so wrong.

“Well, I do. Ever read cardassian literature?” Julian shook his head. “I think I’ll give you some pads. I find the repetitive epic to be the most perfect literary genre of all my planet has spaned. What do you say, we could discuss it over lunch one day”.

“Can’t talk”.

“You can write and draw”.

“This is… weird. Not… clear”.

“It is for me. And I am willing to try to understand it. What do you say?”

Julian got up and tugged at Garak’s hand to make him do the same.

“Give me those pads. Now”.

That was the first time Julian entered Garak’s quarters. It was the first time Garak let someone enter in the longest time, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, lots of love for all the comments!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Xhosa has to dock on Terok Nor. Things go downhill pretty hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm alive! And chapter 11 is half written already. This chapter was hard to write, I even had to do some diagrams to plan the timeline.

_NOW_

“Please, if you are watching this, let us go. He’s threatening to kill us. He will... he will blow the ship, with all my crew and your soldiers inside”.

Garak’s knife was on Kassidy’s throat while she transmitted to the station. One of her eyes was swollen and there was blood on the corner of her mouth. They were fleeing Terok Nor, with a cardassian ship on their tails.

The only thing Garak could think was that he’d rather kill Julian himself than let his own people get to him.

 

_24 HOURS AGO_

“So, did you get the results of your exams, love?” Garak entered his room and found Julian jumping with a padd in his hand. He’d called him, because he didn’t want to open it alone. It contained all his grades for the first year of medical school.

“Yes! Come... see it!”

“Couldn’t you open it on your own?” Garak sat on the bed and Julian went to his side. He was still nervous. He shook his head and gave the padd to the cardassian. “Want me to do the honors?”

Garak turned it on. Grades and notes flashed in front of them. He had aced most of the tests, even if he had mistaken the preganglionic fiber with the postganglionic nerve. There was also a footnote suggestion from the examiners that he should take some presential classes and practices. Julian shook his head at that.

“Can’t go”.

“You can’t, or you don’t want?”

“Is there a difference?”

“Yes, this time, for you, there is”.

“Would you come with me?”

“Of course. Want to go?”

“Want to _try_ ”.

“Then we will go. Whenever you are ready”.

“Soon”.

Julian smiled and kissed him. They didn’t talk for some minutes.

“I... was great, wasn’t I?”

“I doubt anybody did better than you, love”.

 

_NOW_

Julian was trembling. He was inside a locker on the infirmary, and was not sure Garak would be able to retrieve him in time. He was curling, sitting on the floor, between the shelves, not doing a sound, crying in silence. He was not sure if there was anybody still alive on the ship but him and the cardassians. He still had in his hands the hypo Garak loaded for him, and knew that if he was alone and nobody else was alive, he would not hesitate to use it. The alternative was worse. Garak had told him enough of the Cardassian prisons to know what was waiting for him.

 

_20 HOURS AGO_

“Captain, I must protest! If you really need to get to Terok Nor, at least drop us in a nearby asteroid! A planet, anything! You can come for us later, or not do it and let us manage on our own, but I can’t be seen by them, neither Julian! You knew we were escaping when you accepted us”.

“Garak, I’m sorry, but really, I have no alternative. We are running low on fuel and won’t last if we detour, and I’ve been postponing this trip for as long as I could. I could hide you in the storage area”.

Garak was livid.

“It won’t be enough, and you know it. You are risking not only our lives, but yours as well. And you’ll excuse me if I sound callous, but if I have to choose, I will always choose to save Julian over anybody else. And that includes you”.

“If things go awry, I personally will help you do it. But for now, the only chance we have to keep ourselves from being dead on the water is visiting the station. That last Nausicaan attack made us lose a lot of antimatter. And why are they looking for you, anyway?”

“Tax evasion”.

It would end badly, and Garak knew it. He’d done the honorable thing, alerted her that he’d kill if he had to, in order to protect Julian. What happened next was on her.

“Garak, I can’t help you if you won’t tell me the truth”.

“At least give us the shuttlepod. Give us a chance to escape”.

“You won’t be able to get far in it, Garak. It only has impulse working, and there’s not enough fuel for it and the ship anyway”.

“Captain, trust me when I say we will all regret your decision very soon”.

 

_NOW_

Footsteps approached the locker. Julian had the hypo in one hand, and a phaser in the other. He had never imagined he’d be a good shooter, but the last hours had proven him incorrect.

He set it to kill again when he heard the door open, but relaxed when he saw it was Garak, with the Captain at his side, her face swollen and bloody. Garak got him to his feet and held him close. Julian sobbed and hugged him, hiding his face.

“Julian! Did they do something to you?”. His hands moved frantically over his frame, searching for injuries.

He shook his head.

“Where is doctor Elana?” Kassidy looked around, worried.

“Dead”.

“Did they kill her?”

Julian didn’t speak. He looked at the ground.

“I shot. Everywhere. They... had her. Don’t know who... killed her”. He had tears flowing on his cheeks again. “Hid her... there”.

Garak let go of Julian. He went to the place he had indicated, and with clinical precision assessed the body.

“It was not you, Julian. This is definitely cardassian fire”.

“I feared...” his legs were wobbly, and Kassidy held him to keep him from falling. “Is this... our fault, Elim?”

“No, it is not. It is nobody’s, Julian”. Kassidy voice was flat.

Garak wanted to argue with the captain. Shout at her that he had warned her, that he had almost begged for a shuttlepod. That if he had to kill the only person he cared about in the whole damn universe, he’d make things _very_ unpleasant for everybody. A rational part insisted that he’d seen the figures too, he knew how low they were on antimatter, and knew she had had no other choice, but the most emocional one still wanted to scream.

Instead, he smiled and hugged Julian.

“We will get out of here, Julian. If that means killing every single cardassian still on the ship, trust me, I will do it. But I will get you out of here, love”.

 

_6 HOURS AGO_

“Just a routine inspection, Captain. I’m sure you know the protocol”. The glinn looked bored when he talked with Kassidy.

“Yes, my crew has already been told to stand by and wait for clearance. I’m sure you’ll find everything is according to cardassian regulations. Can you send the cargo I am supposed to retrieve, so we start working?”

“Sure, captain”.

Routine meant 3 or 4 bored low rank cardassians.

Clearly, not a 20 soldiers squad. The moment they teleported Kassidy knew something was very wrong.

 

_NOW_

“Julian! We need to run to the shuttlepod!” Garak was tugging at his arm while he insisted in taking another way. Julian stood his ground.

“Eri!”

“What?”

“Won’t leave her here. Engineering. Now!”

“Julian, there’s no time”.

“There is”. He looked him in the eyes for a second. “Please”.

Garak debated with himself what to do. Finally, he reached a decision. There was no way to change Julian’s mind.

“Captain, take him to the shuttlepod and make sure he is safe. I’ll get the engineer. It will be faster that way”.

Kassidy seemed about to argue, but shut it. She knew they were both thickheaded and she wouldn’t make any of them change their mind.

 

_4 HOURS AGO_

“Gul Dukat, I demand to know why is it that I have a batallion inside my modest ship. They have already turned everything upside down, and nobody will tell me what is going on!”

Kassidy was more scared than angry, but like hell she’d let the dictator see that.

“My esteemed captain, I am really sorry to hear a bit of increased security has made you nervous, but I heard word that your ship is harboring fugitives”.

“I have no idea what you are talking about”. _Who sold us out? Was it one of my own?_

“I think you do. Does the name ‘Garak’ mean something for you?”

“I don’t think it does. Care to tell me more?” _Yes, it was from inside. What will I do? I need to find out who it was. No, that doesn’t matter now. I need to convince them they are not here, I’ll deal with my crew_ later _._

“Suffice to say, he committed serious crimes, including, but not limited, to treason, kidnapping and assassination. Our security agency would be more than pleased to have that man back”.

“Sounds like an ugly character. Why don’t you send me a holopicture so I know who are you looking for?”

Kassidy wondered if those charges were true. Was she doing the right thing, hiding him? Did it matter?

 

_NOW_

Garak found Eri, along with the other engineers, fighting against 4 cardassians. Most of her mates were dead or unconscious, and she was cornered, trembling. Garak shot them and went to get her.

“Eri! We need to go!”

“Is Julian alright?”

He grabbed her arm.

“Trust me dear, I would not have come for you if he wasn’t”. He rolled his eyes and she let go a nervous laughter.

“So charming”.

“Shut up and run”.

They ran through corridors, with Garak shooting soldiers, not caring if they noticed his presence or not. She looked at him intently.

“Is safer when they are not looking at you”.

They arrived at the shuttle bay, and found Julian already inside the ship.

“Coming, captain?”

“Is there anybody else alive in this ship?”

“A couple engineers, but I don’t think they will be for much longer”.

“Can we transport them here?”

Garak rolled his eyes. Really.

“I can. And I can scan to see if there’s more people alive”. Garak cursed the moment Julian convinced him to rescue an engineer.

Kassidy nodded.

“Do it”.

“I’ll repair the warp capability once we depart, from the inside. Garak, transfer the antimatter to the shuttlepod”.

When the remaining cardassian soldiers entered, the shuttlepod was already on its way out, with the only 8 crew members that were still alive.

 

_2 HOURS AGO_

They had been hiding in the cargo bay for hours. Julian was grabbing Kukalaka while they heard boots, coming and going. Garak had a phaser. They walked next to them several times. Julian’s knuckles were white, pressing into his bear. The only thing keeping Garak’s claustrophobia at bay was the adrenaline coursing through his veins, forcing him to be alert.

The boots sounded closer and closer. Even with a dispersion field clocking them, even as far as possible from the transit areas, even with all the cargo hiding them, he could feel the soldiers about to find them. Julian’s nose flared, and his expression told Garak his heightened senses were picking the closing soldiers. It was matter of time.

Garak’s mind ran through all the possibilities. Fight. Run. Transport. Hijack the ship. Blew it all into oblivion. Kill the soldiers. _And why are the fucking walls closing in? Is the cargo falling unto us?_

Steps, closer now.

_Kill them all while they still have not seen us. Don’t think about the space you are trapped. Let Kassidy make excuses later, this is her mess._

“I think I hear something over there!”

_Shoot them._

Their boots were visible now.

_I could kill them all now and they wouldn’t even know who hit them._

“I detect something!”

A small sob from Julian. Was it from Julian? That didn’t sound like him. _The walls are closing in? Was that noise mine?_

“Two lifesigns!”

 _Not now. Not now. Not this. I need to keep calm._ Another sob.

“One of them cardassian”.

“Two to transport”. Barely a whisper, coming from julian’s mouth. Garak sobbed again, and they materialized on sickbay.

 

_NOW_

Julian watched from the hatch as the Xhosa exploded in a million pieces, engulfing the Cardassian ship that was pursuing them. He felt he had lost a home. All the little mementos he had been collecting for the last year had been reduced to space rubble. He sighed and look away.

He looked at Garak, who was holding Kukalaka in his hands, as if it was a little precious thing. Oh well, they could always find a new home. For the three of them.

 

_1 HOUR AGO_

Garak was panting in all fours, unable to get up. _This is really bad timing. Compose yourself, you idiot. You know the walls are not falling_. Doctor Elana approached them and injected something on Garak’s neck that stabilized his breathing.

When he calmed, he got up and looked at Julian, embarrassed. Of all the times, having a panic attack when they were hiding...

“I’m so sorry, dear. This was a most unfortunate timing on my part”.

“Not your fault”.

“I’d like to disagree and discuss with you, but time is of the essence. I’m afraid I am a far more tempting target for the soldiers, so I think it would be best to go to the bridge and see how can we run from them, without taking you with me. Stay here with the doctor, it will be only a moment”.

“Don’t”. Julian tugged at his sleeve.

Garak took his free hand, the one that was not holding Kukalaka.

“They are searching for me, but I can’t protect you against so many soldiers. I’ll try to get us a plan and I’ll come back, is that ok with you?”

Julian nodded. Garak prepared a hypo and put it in his hand. He also gave him a spare phaser.

“This will take you to the other side without pain, my love. Don’t use it unless it is necessary, but don’t let them take you“.

Elana looked at him in disbelief.

“Are you giving him a _suicide_ hypo?”

“I’m giving him a way out. He knows what my people will do to him. I think they already know what he means to me, so they will make sure he is kept alive a _very_ long time”. Julian gulped. “And trust me, doctor, he knows _exactly_ what they will do to him”.

Julian nodded.

“Come back?”

“Soon. Wait for me. I’ll get us out”.

 

Garak ran in silence. His focus was in not being discovered until he reached the bridge. He saw a guard and slid towards him, until he was almost touching him. With an elegant motion, he took his head and made it spin, breaking his neck. The soldier hit the floor with a soft noise and Garak kept moving. He repeated the motion until he lost count of how many found demise at his hands. Every single one felt like victory in his mouth. He was angry, and he needed to let that out.

He arrived to the bridge and saw Kassidy and a couple more crewmen. Still in stealth mode, he got close to her and whispered in her ear, asking her to meet him on the back, far from the eyes of the crew.

She went there, and started pacing in front of him.

“Garak! Somebody betrayed us!”

He was still angry, still worried, still panicked, but in front of her, he kept smiling, saving all those feelings for the next batch of soldiers.

“I know. We need to flee the station”.

“The ship is flooded with Cardassians”.

“And also they sent a hacking code that prevents it from undocking, am I wrong?”

“You are right, but...”

“Then, listen carefully, captain. I’ll crack their code, we will get away as far as possible, and you’ll sent a distress call telling them I am about to kill everybody and blow the ship”. _Which is not so far from reality_. “That will buy us some time. Are you with me?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Well, you could surrender yourself to the nice soldiers out there”.

“I’d rather not”.

“One more thing. Only you and me on the bridge. Those two men have to _go”_. His sibilant tone told Kassidy all she needed to know. They had leaked the information. She wondered if they would be still alive by the end of this. Probably not.

“I trust you, Garak”.

“You shouldn’t”.

“I know. Let’s get on with it. And one more thing. If you are going to take me as a hostage, give me a good hit”.

He opened his eyes wide. Now that was not something he was expecting to hear.

“Excuse me?”

“They know me on the station. I would not go down without a fight”.

“Well, since you insist, prepare yourself”.

 

_NOW_

“What will you do now, captain?” Garak was sitting on the floor, with Julian asleep on his lap, their fingers around the bear. He’d sobbed until he fell asleep, and Garak too was starting to feel the strain of the past hours.

“I guess I’ll hide with some friends. And then, I’ll get a new ship”.

“What will you call it?”

“The same as the last one. Xhosa is a good name after all”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry, the angst won’t last long, and chapter 11 will have DS9, with its doctor and its resident Cardassian... I’m taking bets on who I placed in each post ;) (need to keep on reading ASIT to get it right anyway, that’s why these last chapters are coming so slow. If that tip doesn’t help you figure things out...)
> 
> As always, comments are love!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian asks to go to DS9. Garak finds an old acquaintance there. Julian makes his way into the infirmary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had been saying I needed to continue with ASIT for this story, right? I still didn't get to the end, but anyway, I am diverging from alpha and beta canon quite heavily at this point so I sort of did whatever I want for this chapter. I'll try to keep it close to the book in the next chapters, anyway.

“Elim! Elim!”

Julian ran to Garak’s shop. They had been living in a small outskirts colony, Julian practicing medicine (his official title still pending because he’d never completed the practices, but when everything is missing in a community, people don’t really ask Federation for credentials), and Garak mending clothes, and then opening a full clothes store. To his own surprise, he had a good eye for fabric, and was a successful tailor. 

People had warmed up to those two weird characters immediately. If the presence of a Cardassian was never a welcomed sight, the odd and young doctor, so fiercely protected by the old man, had been greeted a lot better. Now, 3 years after that, they were considered part of the community. Garak would never mingle too much with them, but Julian would go make house calls, and help people in his own way, so villagers usually gifted them food and niceties, and were always concerned if the doctor was not roaming the streets 3 times a week.

“Mm? what is it, my dear?”

“Terok Nor!”

“What about it?”

“Now is… Federation”.

Garak had heard about Cardassia leaving Bajoran space some months ago, and wondered how would that planet manage on its own. That it had ran to Federation the minute it had been freed was no surprise for him. He would had been assigned there after completing his mission in Romulus if he had not ran away from the Obsidian Order, so he wondered what would have happened to him after their retreat. He idly hoped the Bajoran forces had killed Dukat, but he was aware he was probably too resourceful for that to happen. A shame, really. 

“Oh, that’s interesting. What else have you heard?” he hemmed some trousers distractedly.

“I want to go”.

“Go?” He almost missed a stitch.

“Go see. How is it now. Help Bajor”.

“My dear. I doubt they’ll receive me with open arms”.

“Oh”. Julian seemed to deflate after that. After what had happened the last time they went there, he wanted to go again? Garak was amazed at the young man sometimes. Still, it was hard for him to deny him anything.

“I’ll see that I can do, love”.

Even if being impulsively kissed was no more a surprising event for Garak, it was always a very welcomed one. The customers waiting in the shop snickered.

 

“That’s a lovely melody”.

Sarina almost jumped. She’d been absorbed by the medical report she was reading to pass time until she arrived to her first job. A tall woman with spots was smiling warmly at her.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you”.

“It’s all right. I tend to lose track of everything when I’m reading”. She extended her hand. “Sarina Douglas, newly appointed Medical Officer on DS9”.

The spotted woman smiled and shook her hand.

“Jadzia Dax, Science Officer. It really was a nice melody. I’m afraid none of my previous hosts had musical abilities. Imagine that, seven lives and none of us could sing!”

Sarina smiled warmly. 

“So, you are a joined trill? I read about… sorry, Am I being too nosy?”

“No, none at all. We have a long journey ahead, so we could use the time to know each other”.

Sarina smiled. Maybe this post would be finally a place she could call home.

 

Sarina had been a talkative child. She hadn’t thought of herself as different to any of her friends, but apparently her mother felt it was not enough. When she was 5, she was taken by her to a hospital, and then everything changed. 

When she came back, she felt somehow she was not like them anymore, and little by little, she stopped talking and playing with people her age. Her mother made her take all sort of classes, and she excelled in all of them. She loved art, but it was below her, apparently. She was destined to be Federation president or something equally prestigious, nothing less than that. When she insisted she wanted to pursue a career in arts, she was removed from her painting and singing classes. 

When she was 16, she entered medical school and soon after enrolled in Starfleet Academy, and cut ties with her mother little by little. By the age of 22, she had completed her studies, and chosen to go to the Bajoran outpost. She wanted to get as far from Earth as it was possible.

 

One month later, Julian and Garak’s shuttle left them at the passengers pylon of the station Deep Space 9. A grumpy engineer, with curly blond hair, was fixing something, cursing the “bloody station and the bloody cardassians” under his breath. Garak adjusted his headwear a bit better. Only his eyes were visible, and he held Julian’s hand tightly. How had Julian convinced him to visit that damned place was beyond his understanding.

The human boy was fascinated. The station was still in quite a bad shape, but for him, it was amazing. All those different races, coexisting. Busy people, going from one place to another, most of them strangers to each other. He’d been living in small communities for the last 4 years, so for him, it was something new and amazing.

“Dear, not that I want to hurry you, but we should get to our quarters”.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to attract attention. I shouldn’t even be here”.

“Why? You with me. Humans are... most of the Federation”.

“Still, my species is not very welcomed here”.

“That’s dumb”.

But he walked a bit faster.

“Can we... go to infirmary?”

“What?”

“Want to see... real federation doctors”.

“And what will you do?”

Julian thought a bit.

“Say hello?”

“Just like that, and they will grant you access?”

“You are right”. He thought a bit more. “Fake illness?”

“Oh, no, don’t even try. You’ll get us both expelled, you little minx”

Julian shrugged. He’d get to the infirmary sooner or later.

 

Doctor Sarina Douglas was always calm and soft. So, when she felt a movement on the door of the infirmary, she turned with her soft, practiced smile. She knew how to make people at ease around her now. She’d grown from her quirky infant self, and knew the only way to be accepted was to smile and look just like the rest. So that man with ruffled hair threw her balance away.

“May I help you?”

“Just... looking”.

“Looking? Looking for what, mister...?”

Julian smiled at her and inspected a tray. Definitely weird.

“Medicine”.

“Sorry?”

“I am... doctor too. Almost. Only need the practices”.

That man certainly didn’t look like any doctor Sarina had met before. He seemed to suddenly realize she had asked him for his name. He opened his eyes and awkwardly offered his hand.

“Oh. Julian”.

“I’m doctor Sarina Douglas”.

She shook his hand briefly and he took it out and went to inspect something else immediately.

“Know”.

“Don’t you have a last name, Julian?”.

“Yes. Don’t use it”.

He looked at the hypos.

“This won’t work”.

“Sorry?”

“Experimental. For cramps?”

“Yes, how...?”

He took a padd and wrote something. Then he handled it to her.

“Try this”.

“Oh, this seems correct, but... what are you doing?”

“This data. Incomplete?”

“Yes, but...”

“Here. Now test it”.

She was not sure whether to kick him out of her little realm, or use his help. Nurse Jabara entered and told her something.

“Mister Julian, please, can you come back again later? We have an emergency in the promenade”.

He smiled and just went away. Definitely weird. She looked again at the figures he had inserted in the padd. They were brilliant.

 

Garak spotted a familiar face. Even if she could not tell it was him because of his heavy robes and headwear, he knew she had sensed him. Her hair, her way of moving around, everything was the same, if older ( _ you are older too, Elim _ ), except for her shoulders. Slumped. Defeated. He’d heard her husband had finally requested for her and their child to be reassigned to Terok Nor, and he had also heard he’d been killed by the bajoran resistance. So why was she still there was a mystery for him, even if he had some hypothesis of his own.

Her steps got faster. Years had not dimmed her ability to sense him even when he was in stealth mode. He wondered about his feelings, though. He had not seen her in so many years, and his situation was so different now than the last time they’ve seen each other.

She entered a small shop, and he followed. 

“Hello Palandine”.

She stopped dead when she heard his voice.

“I thought you were dead. I was...”

“Looking for your phaser, right?”

“Will I need it?”

“No, I’m here as a tourist”.

“Not the best place for a cardassian right now, as you probably now”.

“I know, but I have a very insistent... husband”. She looked at him without giving anything away. He smiled at her. She finally sighed. “It’s been some long years, you know”.

“It seems like it. What do you know about  _ my  _ last years, Elim?”

“Your son was sent to Cardassia, to Bamarren, if I’m not mistaken. Family tradition?” She nodded. “You widowed”. _ Don’t sound like gloating, Elim, you are better than that. And she doesn’t deserve it, even if  _ he _ does _ . “Somehow they deemed you unworthy of coming back, probably because of something  _ Lokar _ did”.

“Sugarcoat it a bit for me, will you Elim?”

“I could smile and say it again”.

“Please do”. She smiled at him. Yes, she was the same. “Tea?”

“I’d appreciate it”. He took the headgear off, once he was sure nobody would see him. “You can’t imagine how restricting this clothing is”.

She poured them drinks in silence. They drank, and he could almost imagine the years had not passed, that there was still something connecting them. Maybe there still was.

“What are you doing here, Elim? Really”.

“I told you. Julian wanted to come here”.

“Julian”.

“Oh, you’ll see him quite soon I’m sure. He’ll storm the doors in less than 5 minutes, if I know him well”. She raised her eye ridges and he smiled again. Never say he was not a good student. “So, what do you do here? I’m a tailor now. A simple life, you know that always suited me”.

He also worked undercover for at least 5 different security agencies, and had given information to the Obsidian Order more than once, in exchange of being left alone. But he was not going to tell her that.

“This is my store. Small shiny stuff that means nothing, to adorn people coming from the skies”.

They kept drinking in silence. 

Garak raised his head suddenly. He’d recognize that uncoordinated rhythm anywhere. It was easy to know when Julian was running.

The doors opened, and Julian entered with a bright smile.

“Met the doctor, Elim! A real doctor! She’s Starfleet!”

Garak pointed to Palandine, and then made him a sign to a sit. Julian sat smiling at her openly and extended his arm.

“Julian!”

“Julian, remember, we bow, we don’t give our hand”. Garak looked at him fondly, no sharpness in his voice.

“Right!” He bowed at her. “Julian”.

“Oh, I... I.... hello”.

“Know Elim?” 

Palandine wondered where could have Elim gotten this weird, innocent creature. Maybe he really had changed in all the years they had been apart.

“We were schoolmates”.

Julian looked at Garak.

“She is Palandine. I told you about her”.

She expected rage. Jealousy. A cold stare. Instead, Julian smiled even wider.

“Well, whatever he told you about me must have been good”

“I just told him the truth. Even what happened after the battle in Bamarren”.

And still, that creature that looked mostly human but had  _ something _ that set it apart was smiling at her.

 

“We could... dine together” Julian was smiling in their visitor quarters. He had Kukalaka in his hands. Now that Garak had taken to tailoring, the little bear looked nicer than ever.

“Together? With whom, dear?”

“Sarina. Palandine. Seemed nice. Want some friends here”.

“Not sure it would be a good idea, love”.

“Why?” Julian pouted.

“You know about me and Palandine. We didn’t part in the best terms”.

“She looked sad. So did Sarina”.

“So...?”

“Can cheer them”.

Garak snorted, but kissed his hair softly. Julian really still believed he could fix the whole universe.

“What would we talk about?”

“Medicine. Cardassia”.

“Neither of us can go to Cardassia, it would not be a good subject for our dinner, I am afraid”.

“Then medicine. And... tailoring. Travel. Anything!”

Garak was sure he’d regret it soon, but then, when had he been able to say no to Julian? And deep down, he really wanted to talk with Palandine.

 

“Where to?”

Julian’s mouth hung open at the amount of shops. When they traveled with Kassidy, they seldom stopped on the stations, and then, the colony they were living now was very small, so it was the first time he was seeing a klingon restaurant, an andorian deli, even a tamarian sweet shop. Even Quark’s seemed interesting for him.

“You can choose anything you like, here”. Sarina was gentle, and she was also intrigued by Palandine. Maybe it was her chance to know her a bit better. They had already uncovered a weird klingon-bajoran conspiration a couple weeks ago, and she was eager to know more about her.

Garak looked around and dared take off his headwear. A couple bajorans looked at him and whispered, but most people continued minding their own business.

“Klingon?” Julian’s eyes were fixed on the moving gagh.

“Dear, are you sure you want to eat  _ that _ ?” Garak’s eyes were fixed too, but for all sort of different reasons. 

“Looks interesting. Jelly”.

“Love, that doesn’t taste like jelly. Trust me. Why don’t we try andorian first?”

“But...”

Too late. The klingon cook approached them, with a big smile.

“Want to try it, young?” Julian nodded. Garak shook to the sides violently. “Ever had some?” Julian shook, Garak nodded. “Here, have a bit. It is the food of a warrior”.

Julian was fascinated. He swallowed and asked for more. 

“What about you, cardassian?”

“I think I’ll pass”.

“Don’t be a coward peta’Q”.

“I’m not a coward, I just have... taste buds”.

The klingon roared at that, as if it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. He pat Garak on the back, making him almost lose balance.

“Here boy, this one is on the house! Choose whatever you want”

Julian looked at the menu, trying to decide what to try first. Garak patted his shoulder and went to get something else. It never failed to amaze him how everybody seemed to love him.

The girls already had their own trays, and Julian looked at them with fascination when he sat. He’d gone from being unable to eat a lot of things to wanting to try everything. Never inbetweens for him. He raised a plate of his own meal and offered it with a bright smile.

“Want gagh?”

“Thank you, but cardassian food usually is expected to be dead before being consumed”. Palandine was polite, but she shifted a bit to get away from the worms.

“Human food most of the time as well”. Sarina was not ready to try it either.

Julian got a mouthful.

“Your loss”.  

Garak, who had just sat, suddenly lost his appetite.

“So, I was curious about you”. Sarina was eating as delicately as Palandine. Her grace reminded Garak of how the cardassian woman had been when he first met her, but, unlike her, there seemed to be no hidden intent. “You are an odd couple”.

“You have no idea how frequently we hear that”.

“How did you two meet?”

“Well, I was doing gardening, he was studying. We talked about books”.

Palandine smiled sadly.

“Poetry?”

“Amongst other things. He is not that fond of cardassian one, anyway. I’m still trying to get him to like it”.

“Lost cause”. Julian swallowed and looked at him, grinning.

“Love, you have a worm in your cheek. No, the other one. Yes, there. It was moving, surely you felt it... no? How?” He rolled his eyes and Julian smiled at him, taking another mouthful of worms. “So, about you, Sarina. Quite young for a federation doctor, if I’m not mistaken. I thought you had to study a lot longer”.

Sarina seemed uncomfortable.

“I graduated from high school at a very young age. And since this area was considered a disaster zone, there was a priority for volunteers”.

“So, you fled from Earth to repair what my people has done, basically”.

“Yes, you could say that”.

“And how is that coming along? Did we let a disaster in our wake?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, you did. It will take years for this planet to get back on its feet”.

Garak nodded.

“If there’s one thing you can’t deny about us, is that we are thorough”. 

“I’m a doctor”. Julian suddenly got into the conversation. “Want to help”.

“Where? Here, on the station? With my team? I could ask for...”

“Planet”.

They all turned to look at him.

“What?”

“Julian, in case you haven’t noticed, I am cardassian. I’m quite sure they will kill us both on sight if we go there”.

“They’ll warm to you”.

“No, they won’t”

“Everybody does”.

“Julian, my people occupied that planet for 70 years. I don’t think they will ‘warm to me’”.

“Still”.

Sarina put her hand softly over his.

“Julian, Garak is right. The only place the Federation may offer some protection for you both is in this station. Outside it, you risk him being killed. Or both of you. Are you ready to let him die?”

Julian looked at his gagh intently for some seconds.

“Can we... stay here? I studied. Can help. Lack thesis and... practice. I can work”.

Sarina sighed.

“I’ll talk with the captain, but we need as many hands as possible, so I don’t think that will be a problem. What about you, Garak?”

“Well, I doubt you’ll need a gardener here, but certainly a tailor would be a nice addition, considering the terrible fashion choices I see every place I rest my eyes”. He looked at Palandine. “Sans the jewelry, of course, my dear. That one is of quite a good taste”.

“I’m sure you mean that, Garak, thank you”. She made a small bow that he returned.

 

Julian was writing some formulae in a padd in the infirmary when Sarina decided to say something that had been bothering her for the last week.

“Julian, can I test you?”

“Test me?” Sarina was undoubtedly sweet and caring, but Julian had learned to avoid any chances of being discovered long time ago.

“You see... I think something has been done to you. When you were young”.

“So?” Julian started to recoil, hoping to get away.

“I could help you”.

“I don’t… need help. Like me as I am”.

Should she tell him? She decided to take that chance. He’d understand it better if she opened up.

“You see, Julian. I think they did to you the same thing they did to me when I was young”. Julian’s sharp breath told her he knew what she was talking about. “Nobody knows about me”.

“You are not like me. You…  _ function _ . Normally”.

“I got lucky, Julian. I know of a lot of people that got secondary effects like the ones you have”.

“I am lucky. Don’t need… test”.

“Ok. I won’t insist. But I’d like to see what went wrong with you that did not with me”.

“I won’t be studied”.

Sarina got closer to him and put her hands in his shoulders. He thought for a moment about shaking them out, but he knew better now. A bit he could endure. Still his breathing started to come irregularly.

“I won’t study you, and any result I get will be confidential”.

“I won’t be fixed”.

“Even if you can live better?”

“I have everything. I… learned to cope”.

“And anxiety?”

“Went to a Vulcan monastery. Meditate”.

“Really”. She shook her head, amused.

“Didn’t want to let Garak in. We insisted. They let us”.

Julian flashed her his most charming smile. She imagined the scene: the young man, barely able to talk, and the older cardassian, probably talking the Vulcan’s ears off, until they decided the logical thing was to either let them in, or shoot them. And probably cleaning blood was not logical. Specially cardassian blood, that one was hell to get out of the clothing.

She decided to drop the subject and ask something else. She was still thinking about last night’s conversation.

“Why are you here, Julian? For real. Just tell me”

“Last time here was… horrible. Want to help Bajor”.

“With a cardassian?”

“They will like him eventually. People likes me… then likes him”. He shrugged. It was as it was the most obvious thing.

“That planet suffered because of his race, Julian. You can’t just go there and think they will not try to kill him. You’ll most likely suffer an attempt against your life as soon as you get there”.

He pouted.

“He was not… there. He was with me in… ships, and colonies. He is a tailor. And gardener. This is... not his fault”.

“They don’t know that”.

“Then we teach them”.

“You really think you can just go there and explain?”

“Maybe”

He crossed his arms.

“Have you spoken with major Kira yet? Talk with her, tell her your idea. But really, Julian, my infirmary will receive you if you choose to stay here. It will be safer. Maybe in the future you will be able to go to the planet, but not just yet”.

_ And let’s hope she can make you change your mind before you both end up dead. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the best part of writing Julian's speech pattern? I can miss some "it" in "it is" and it won't matter anyway. Most of the time, when I check before uploading, I find I sort of forgot some words actually exist. 
> 
> And yeah, don't doubt it, Kira, Miles, and Sisko will make appearances (great excuse to rewatch early seasons)
> 
> A bit thank you to StarTravel, that suggested that Palandine could be working as a jeweler :)
> 
> Disclaimer: any errors are because I have quite a lot of beer in my system. How am I able to write in a foreign language while drinking alcohol is beyond me.
> 
> As always, comments are love, and any weird things will be solved when I am sober.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sisko needs to decide if he's going to allow the two newest residents permit to work, so he interviews them. Julian tries to make a new friend.

Julian fidgeted with his clothes while he waited to enter commander Sisko’s office. He’d wanted to go with Garak, but the commander of the station had insisted on interviewing each of them separately. Not good, he didn’t like to take care of these things alone. He never knew what people expected to hear.

He looked around him. There was a bajoran woman and a trill working in silence, and that same engineer he’d seen when he arrived, cursing the Cardassians and their technology under his breath. He wondered if it would be a good idea to offer a hand. After all, he’d learned a lot with Garak. He glanced into the office. The commander was still shouting at an admiral via subspace communication. He approached the man.

“Hello”.

Miles looked at him from under a console.

“Yes?”

“Julian. Me. Julian”.

“Oh. Right. I’m O’Brien”.

He got under the console again and cursed a bit more.

“Can help”.

“Sorry?”

“Cardassian husband. Can help”.

Miles frowned. He’d heard about the new arrivals, and was pretty annoyed at the idea that a human would choose a Cardassian as a mate.

“I heard about you both. I thought he was a tailor”.

Julian smiled brightly. So the station was talking about them after all. He hoped they were already giving a good impression.

“Yes, but... handy. Knows technology. That blue wire. Connect there”.

Miles considered ignoring him, but he was curious. He did as he was told and the console came back to life. Maybe the boy was not so bad after all. And he was in dire need of engineers.

“That was a neat trick. Ever considered joining my team? You don’t need full Starfleet training to become an engineer”.

“No”.

“Just no?”

“I’m a doctor”.

“Oh. Right, I heard you wanted to join Douglas’ team, right? Anyway, help me with this one?” Julian grabbed a tool and after a minute that console came back to life too. “Too bad you don’t want to, I really could use a hand”.

“Ask Elim. Taught me”.

“Elim?”

“Husband”.

Miles made a face.

“Well, you know... I don’t like Cardassians, really, and part of my team is Bajoran, I don’t think they’d be happy to have him around...”

“Unfair”.

“Sorry, what?”

“Discrimination. Unfair”.

“Look, boy, his race was at war with ours, and they enslaved the planet we are currently orbiting. I think you can’t blame us for not wanting to mingle too much with them”.

“He was not in war. Nor Bajor”

Miles opened his mouth to give him an airy answer, when Sisko called Julian in.

 

“Get yourself comfortable. Want some raktajino?” Julian nodded and Sisko poured him a cup.

“Tell me your full name”.

“Julian”.

“Julian what? No last name?”

“Garak. Julian Garak”.

“You took his?” Julian nodded again. “Any particular reason?” Julian shook his head. He had a reason, of course, but he was not ready to tell a stranger about his parents looking for him. “And why are you here?”

“Doctor. Want to help here. In the frontier”.

“Don’t refer to Bajor as the Frontier in front of Kira”. Sisko gave him a crooked smile.

“Why?”

“It is a little insulting to refer to somebody’s home like that”. Julian looked confused. “Just... don’t say it, ok? Doctor Douglas requested you for her team, and I must say, you have a colorful academic record. Seems you’ve been practicing a long time and yet need to finish your studies. Is a bit of an illegal thing what you’ve done, to be honest”.

“Need the practices. Couldn’t go. Can here”.

“Is that why you came? To finish your studies and have an official record?”

“No! Told you! Want to help!”

Sisko got up and smiled.

“Well, I need to interview your husband and make sure he is not a menace, but if I give him clearance, you will be part of Dr. Douglas’ team. I hope you can be part of this station, Julian. Just... don’t offend the Bajorans”.

 

Sisko decided to conduct Garak’s interview somewhere else. Having a Cardassian in ops seemed like the easiest way to have dead bodies in the infirmary. He met him in the replimat.

“So, Mr. Garak”.

“Only Garak, no Mister, please”.

“So, _Garak_. What brings a tailor to a station where his species is hated?”

“As I said to all the people that asked before you, which at this point seem to be half the station, I have a very insistent spouse”.

“And I imagine no ties with the Cardassian government”.

“Lucky for me, no. A couple minor offenses like delaying payment of bills in my youth -I know, shocking, I was a bit of a rebel - but nothing worthy of being noticed”.

There was something about him that made Sisko immensely uncomfortable, but he couldn't ban him from the station only because of that. The peace treaty with Cardassia was too delicate to risk an incident.

“Just a tailor, then? I didn’t imagine cardassians had an use for that kind of trades. Seems a bit... vain, considering they are such a militarized society”.

“Oh, no no, the military is a small part of the population. I assure you, Commander, the civilian society has one of the finest eyes for good fabrics in the whole quadrant”.

“And what do you plan to do here? I imagine you won’t be idle while Julian does all the work”.

“Oh no, I wouldn’t know what to do if I found myself with too much time in my hands. I was thinking about renting a small place in the promenade, opening a tailoring shop. Clearly this station could afford a bit of high couture”.

“You plan on staying for a long time here?”

“I’d prefer not, but that will be up to Julian, I’m afraid”.

“I reckon you met our other cardassian inhabitant, too. You were seen talking to each other”.

“Yes, delightful lady”

“What is your relationship?”

“We met briefly, a long time ago. Childhood friendships, you know how that is”.

“Is she trouble?”

“I doubt that. She is like me, a simple being that just likes shiny and colorful things. Between you and me, Julian is the brains of our relationship. I prefer books and handwork”.

 

Sisko wanted to have them both out of the station, but was unable to find any reason to send them out, so finally, sighing, he signed their provisional permits to stay and work.

“Commander, I protest! It is bad enough having one cardassian here, and now we have two!”

“Major, I understand your feelings, but they have a peace treaty with us, and as long as they don’t do anything that may compromise security, I just can’t forbid them to live here”.

“They will be trouble very soon, you’ll see”.

 

Garak was finishing a report for the Tal Shiar when Julian entered their quarters, with the pad with their authorizations in his hand. He put the report aside immediately. It was not as if Julian was unaware of what he really did to earn their livings and keep them safe, but he still prefered to have him out of it as much as it was possible. One reason to accept coming to the newly named station Deep Space 9 was that.The sheer amount of intelligence information he’d be able to squeeze out of it would assure them at least years of peace.

“Sisko accepted us!”

“The Commander, love”.

“What?”

“He is your boss now, so no names”.

“Oh. Right”. He sat in his lap and nuzzled his neck affectionately for some moments, smiling. Garak enjoyed the feeling, knowing Julian would jump again at any moment. “Infirmary is huge! And advanced! Has a lab!”

“You had a lab as well in our home, dear. I remember how hard it was to get you all your tools”. He kissed him.

“This one is... bigger!”. He gave him a little peck in his eye ridge. “But yours was nicer”.

Julian stood up again and did a little spin. He still was unable to contain himself when he got excited.

“And a big database! No more old pads!” He sat again. “What about... you?”

“Well, aside from my regular activities, I was thinking about opening a tailoring shop, what do you think? I think I am quite a good tailor”.

Julian nodded and gave him a pad. There was a map of the promenade and certain places were marked in red. He sat in his lap again and toucjed the pad, indicating locations.

“Places for rent. This good. This too. This no. No, no, no. This good. Choose”.

“Oh, you were doing a bit of intelligence of your own?”

Julian smiled, delighted. He still liked to imagine himself as an intelligence agent, even if he had the smoothness of an elephant.

“Maybe. Now. Dinner. Come sit”.

Julian went to the replicator and Garak looked at him fondly. It seemed they were here to stay. For how long, he was not sure. Since he’d met Julian, he had lost any hope of staying in the same place for long. He hoped to buy himself a pardon and get them both to Cardassia if he played his cards right on the station, but for the time being, he would just be content having him safe and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working in integrating them to DS9! A big thank you to StarTravel, who beta'ed me.
> 
> As always, comments are love and I love to read what are your thoughts on this little story! 💕


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian and Garak part for the first time in four years. Julian sees what the Cardassians have done to Bajor.

“Don’t get into trouble”. Julian sat on the bed and looked seriously at Garak. It was hard looking serious with only a blanket around his waist, but he still tried his best.

“Julian, I am not a child. I think I know how to behave when you’re not around”. Garak kissed him while saying that, to take a bit of sting out of his words.

“You know what I mean”. Julian pinched one belly scale playfully.

“I’ll make sure to hem trousers as good as I can, dear”. He rolled and got over Julian, tickling him lightly.

“Not that!” Julian kicked and tossed but was unable to get him to move.

“If you are not referring to my soon to open business, then I don’t know what you are talking about, love”. Garak smiled and bent to kiss him again. They were silent for some minutes, just enjoying each other before parting for the first time in years, even if it was for only a week.

“You know, Elim”.

Garak rolled and laid on his back at his side.

“Yes, I do. But I won’t get into trouble, I promise. And what about  _ you _ ?”

“Me?” Julian gave him his most charming smile and slid a finger teasingly down his chest, making him shiver slightly.

“Yes, you. I don’t want the Bajorans to put you inside a holding cell”. Julian was making it harder for him to talk. He’d really trained him well, apparently. A second hand followed, getting lower.

“I’m innocent, Elim”. He kissed him slowly, following his fingers direction with his mouth and looking at him with his eyes open in a fake innocent expression. Yes, really well trained. He knew how to look a bit more oblivious than he was in front of people, and he also knew how to make Garak stop thinking.

“Oh, yes, tell me about that. I distinctly remember you... oh yes, that scale... stealing some information some months ago from a very... very nice Andorian gentleman”.

“Don’t know what you are talking about”. Julian got a bit lower and smiled. He knew how to play this game as well as Garak now.

“I think you do, love. And I remember the payment for that information was... so very good, too”. Julian bit him lightly.

“Was it, Elim?” the last coherent thought of Garak was that Julian was really having fun with this.

“What was?”

 

Julian paced nervously around the shuttlebay. It was his first time boarding a runabout, it was his first medical aid mission, it was his first time away from Elim. He had his bag hanging from his shoulder, his pads in one hand, and Kukalaka in the other.

Sarina arrived and smiled at the image. He was wearing a Starfleet medical uniform, even if he had no pipes on it. His hair was a bit better combed than his normal disheveled look, but still a bit tangled, with some curls falling on his forehead.

“Nervous, Julian? You’ll make a hole in the ground if you keep moving in circles”.

He stopped and looked at her, holding still and in place.

“You don’t have to look like a statue either, you know”. She laughed a bit and he relaxed. “Just... relax a bit, we will be on Bajor soon. Once major Kira arrives, we will depart”.

He nodded and sat on the floor. He wondered if Kira would be there soon. He tried hard not to count the seconds aloud, but every time he reached 35, he tapped the floor lightly.

Tap.

Tap.

“What are you doing?”

“Eh?” He looked up at her, confused.

“With your feet. When you hit the ground”.

“Oh. Counting”. 

He tapped again.

She looked around to make sure nobody would hear them. She crouched at his side and lowered her voice.

“You have perfect time measuring, right?”

Another small tap.

“Yes. Count all the time. In seconds and Cardassian ti’kks”.

“Don’t you tire of having the numbers all the time in your head?”

“No, they are... relaxing. I can measure them. Predictable, always the same”.

She sat a bit better and sighed. She straightened her ponytail a bit, thinking about her next words. Another tap.

“They did a better job with you than with me, then”.

“What?”

“I get overwhelmed if I try to measure time. In fact, I tend to be late or lose track of time. Sometimes I forget to eat or to sleep, if I am researching”.

They heard steps and turned. Major Kira was looking at them. Julian suddenly remembered seeing a Bajoran woman in Ops, and only now realized it must had been her.

“Is the floor comfortable?”

He looked at her and smiled.

“Yes”. He offered his hand. “I’m Julian”

She didn’t take his hand, instead looking at him with a crooked expression.

“I thought so”.

She turned and boarded the runabout, without checking if they were following her or not. He looked at Sarina, confused. 

“She fought the Cardassians”, she whispered, and got inside the runabout, with Julian scrambling to his feet clumsily to follow her.

 

When the surface started to be visible, Julian plastered himself to the hatch. That was a habit he’d never gotten rid of: he’d just get excited every time they were about to land, and try to figure out what were the small figures he saw in the surface. Garak found it endearing and usually played the guessing game with him, but most people tended to find it a bit annoying, especially if that meant having a full grown man splattered on the consoles.

“Julian, do you mind? I’m trying to maneuver”. Kira clearly was not finding it endearing.

“Oh, yes. Sorry. Bajor looks beautiful”.

“Does it? Most of what we are seeing down there is burned land”.

He frowned. He had thought that was the color of the land, but now that they were getting closer, he could see it was mostly dead trees and destroyed crops.

“Oh. Occupation?”

He sat back. It was not that nice to watch now that he realized what was below them.

“Yes, they destroyed as much as they could on their way out”.

“Why?”

“Because they could, Julian. Simple as that”. She expected him to argue, defend them, try to explain. Instead, his face was sad. “You don’t seem surprised”.

“Met other Cardassians. Know what they do. Want to help”.

“This is the handiwork of your husband’s people”.

“But not his”.

“Perhaps not, but can you assure me he would not have done this if he’d been assigned to Bajor?”

“He would have. Maybe. But he didn’t”.

She sighed. She didn’t want to be unfair, but she had not liked the boy’s husband. Even if the human seemed decent, she couldn’t quite put her finger on what she was feeling about the cardassian. There was... something, about that man. It was not just his race. Something was off, he smiled too much.

“Still. Sympathizers are almost as bad as collaborators”.

“During the occupation he was with me. And in Terok Nor... they tried to kill us”.

Kira looked at him then.

“You came here during the occupation? Why?”

“Worked on a freighter. Had no choice”. 

“So, you almost died during the occupation and yet decided to come back here? Why?”

“To make wrongs right”.

 

“Quark, is it?” Garak looked around and leaned on the bar. There was almost nobody in the pub. All the better, since he didn’t want anybody asking questions. The little Ferengi approached. His lobes sensed business. “I heard you can find a seller for anything a buyer may need”.

“That depends”. He got closer with a conspiratorial smile.

“Oh? Depends on what?”

“Of how much the buyer is willing to pay”.

Quark served him a bit of kanar. It was old and watered down, and he’d charge for it in the future with anything the Cardassian decided to buy, but for now, the gesture would help business. It would pay for itself later. 

Garak drank a bit and put it down. Definitely the worst and cheapest kanar he’d ever tried.

“Let’s say this buyer has some spare latinum  _ and _ some pretty useful hacking devices that somebody... perhaps, a Ferengi who tends to run into trouble with the station constable, may find handy”.

“Are you assuming there’s a Ferengi here that may need help overriding station security?”

“I’m just saying these little things may make things like, I don’t know, perhaps importing deltan psychotropic drugs, a bit easier”.

Quark smiled a crooked teeth smile.

“I wouldn’t know anything about drugs, sir”.

“Of course you wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t know anything about hacking devices either”.

Garak smiled back. They had reached an understanding. Deep down he liked Ferengi. They were an easy species. Offer them a good deal, and you’ll have them doing your dirty work.

“So, if I don’t hand you a list, and you know nothing about certain computer parts, nobody will know about Cardassian hacking devices changing hands from one Cardassian to one Ferengi, right?”

Quark inspected the devices carefully. They were really good. He felt generous, maybe for the second time in his life. Generous enough to use this opportunity to rid himself of some old merchandise. He wondered if he should give himself an ear wash to free himself of that hideous feeling.

“Then, I won’t get those parts, and I won’t throw a couple bottles of kanar to the lot as well”.

Garak nodded. Honestly, he’d probably throw that kanar down the sink and pray it didn’t kill anything on its way down the pipes.

“It was good not making deals with you, mister Quark”.

“Likewise, mister...”

“Just Garak. Plain and simple”.

 

Work on the surface was not easy. They would treat patients from all sort of things by the day, and Julian would cry in silence until he fell asleep at the night. He’d always treated illnesses that were the product of nothing but bad luck, and injuries that were mostly innocent in nature. But this was different. These people had radiation poisoning because the water had been contaminated, burns because they had tried to salvage their forest when the fires began, infections because their crops had been irradiated and parasites had taken hold. Was this really the people Elim wanted to get back to?

Sarina turned and saw Julian was still with his eyes open.

“Can’t sleep?” He shook his head and tried to dry his eyes. “Want to talk about it?”

He tried to, but words seemed to be stuck in his throat. She offered him her hand.

“Come on, Julian, let’s go walk a bit and then you can tell me”.

He took her hand and got up. They walked a bit in silence. He had Kukalaka in his arms. Every place he looked he saw destruction. Finally he decided to talk.

“So much pain. Here. Intentionally”. He sighed. “Why?”

“Cruelty doesn’t need an explanation, Julian. I thought you’d know that already, with what I know about your story”.

“But... it was always cruelty for us. Because of us being... us. Not for people... they don’t know”.

“Sometimes it is easier to direct hate to a whole group. Make them represent something and put all the bad feelings and prejudice in them. There’s also the power. It is easy to hurt someone when you are stronger and they have no means to defend themselves”.

“That’s so awful”.

“Ever studied human history, Julian?”

“A bit. Don’t like it. Prefer fiction”.

“You must have read books that depict violence and cruelty then”.

“Yes, but... never saw it like here. Here is... real”.

It was not like Garak had managed to completely shelter him from all the cruel and sad things in the galaxy. They’ve been mistreated, and from time to time he’d had to cure somebody that had suffered something unfair. But one thing was reading books that talked about the ugliest parts of the living creatures or helping in small countryside and frontier communities, and another one was really dealing with the darkest side of life, trying to fix things that were not fixable. He’d never before seen things like what he was seeing now. Even with his old and basic tools, he’d always felt proud of being able to cure nearly anything. Here, he felt almost useless, because it was not just the bodies but the minds that were scarred.

He saw something blue and stopped walking. He got to his knees and watched the small flower. Sarina smiled sadly.

“We may not be able to fix everything, Julian, but life is resilient. We are curing them, and they are curing the soil. We are making a difference here”.

He got up and smiled sadly.

“Let’s go back”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to StarTravel for beta'ing, and for her opinion on this chapter!
> 
> I have this idea that this Julian is not so innocent anymore. He'd been through a lot of stuff in the last 4 years, and he's been exposed non-stop to Garak. Also, I loathe the idea that autistic people are pure innocent indigo crystal rainbow angels with different vibrational energy here to make the world nicer and bring puppies. I really hate it. This Julian could actually be all the secret agent canon!Julian couldn't be, and never stop smiling and putting big watery eyes in front of everybody else. 
> 
> As always, comments are love, and I really like reading what you think of this story!


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